Day 20

Today is not a good day for me. Today is my Uncle Terrence's birthday. He's not an asshole, so that's not why it's a bad day. Thing is he's been dead for almost twelve years now. in 2002, he committed suicide. The only uncle that I can remember and showed me love killed himself. And the sad part is I've been having bad thoughts recently, wanting to cut, wanting to die. Sorry I'm gonna cut this one short, but I just can't think about anything else right now. Sorry.

Day 19

I woke up late this morning to the sound of my mother coming into my bedroom and telling me that I had to get up right now or I would be walking to school. I don't understand why she had to act like such a bitch about that, especially since it wasn't my fault that my phone wasn't working and the alarm didn't go off. My little brother had another appointment today and the doc shows up at 9, which means I have to go to school by 8:30. So, if I were to walk to school, you know how long it would take me? An hour. No, I do not have a working bike, nor do I ride a skateboard, scooter, etc. I walk or driven to work, and it used to be the same for school last year. Last year, I got half day for second semester so that I could work late nights, and you know what my parents do? They made me walk to school every day. But, if I closed the night before, I got lucky, because that was when I got to sleep in and they took me to school, but my manager only let me close two nights, and working a four hour shift or not closing shift did not count and I would have to walk. Also, it was decided that I have to pay for my parent to take me to school and drive me to work. I don't mind paying my parents to drive me to school, but seriously, to work? It's only a little ways away, when I'm able to walk to work it takes 30 minutes, but driving only takes 5. Like I said, I don't mind paying for the ride to school, but then this is where my mother fucked up. Recently, my parents have been borrowing money from me and paying me back when my dad gets paid, because I get paid on a Wednesday and my dad on a Saturday, sometimes the Monday after, so I let them. My mom was $40 in debt to me, and I mentioned it to my dad who told my mom to talk to me about it. I paid $15 for gas, $16 for gas, and $10 for my school book. I told my mom and this is what she had to say about it: the $16 was by my choice, even though my mom told me to keep my cousin out of the house so they could go through her things to see if she had been stealing for us, the $15 she took so that I PAID her for the rides to school and work, and the $10 she's not even going to bother. What the the holy fuck. So now, I'm so being hesitant about letting my parents borrow my money, especially when they're only going to take and take and take and not pay back because they come up with some lame ass excuse to not do it. Yeah, it really pisses me off.

In other news, my thoughts never went away this morning, especially with how pissed off my mother was at me. So, I walk into Biology, feeling like shit, and the best thing happens: my teacher, Mr. Miller, takes notice and he helps me. At the end of class, he told me that, even though I'm having a bad day, to just remember how awesome I am. It really helped me a lot to keep at bay the urge to cut. Also, today should have been a Friday. With how the school schedule goes, I don't understand why they didn't just give us Fridays off instead of making our breaks two weeks longer.Any way, good night.

Day 18

Today was pretty slow. In Mythology, we presented our posters for our Egyptian Gods, and mine was Hathor. I was really nervous standing up in front of the class so I didn't get to say a lot that I wanted to say, but I did tell them that the reason that I chose Hathor was because she was a deity that I worshiped. I don't know how that went over with them, especially my friends who are Mormon and Christian. I guess if they weren't sure that I was Pagan then, they do now. Then the rest of the day was a drag.

I worked tonight, and it turned out to be a total and complete disaster. My manager was having a break down because of her boyfriend, so she went outside to talk to her friend about it, she also put two people are break, leaving three of us to work. Then it was time for one of us to clock off, so she gave me the drive-thru headset and left. So, I bet you can imagine how terrifying it was that only two people were inside working front, drive-thru and sandwiches. Yeah, and what made it worse was a crowd of people decided to come in to the front and the drive-thru register wasn't working for me. Finally, my manager came back in and decided to help us. And, on top of that, I've been having some really bad thoughts recently (if you've read my life blog, you might know that I cut and was suicidal for a period of my time). Life is just becoming so difficult for me right now.

Day 17

Okay, today happened to be a REALLY good day. In Biology, we did a lab studying Pond Scum. I swear to you, I have never been so excited as I was looking at pond scum. I think Biology is the only science class that I will ever truly enjoy. Anyway, my partner and I discovered that most organisms live at the bottom of a pond, because that is where algae dwells the most, making it a likely habitat for organisms. So much fun. So that was my only class for the morning, and my best friend, Cay, took me out to lunch and we decided to ditch the second half of the school day. The only reason we did is because we knew that we weren't going to be doing much in our last classes of the day. Besides, we had a great time. So, yeah, today was a pretty good and exciting day!

Then I had to go to my award ceremony for academic achievement, third year in a row. Sitting there, I realized something; for the past three years, I never had both of my parents show up for my academic ceremony, it's always only been one parent or the other. Sad, right? Well, I saw a lot of my friend's parents and they love me! And it was a lot of fun.

Day 16

This week has started out so SLOW and tiring. You know what, I really really wish that I had my car and license right now. Yes, it would be very helpful, especially for when I need to sleep in and my parents can stop complaining about having to take me to school. GAH!!!!

Anyway, I have just been so off today. Thankfully I don't have to work tonight. But I do need to catch the bus tomorrow so night!

Day 15

It is officially Friday! Yay, so happy, except for the fact that I had to work again tonight, but at least we got out kinda quick. Anyway, the guy that I mentioned in my last post, we used to be friends in elementary school, though I bet you he will totally deny it now, which is really sad. Anyway, I moved to Fruita, our friendship kinda ended, and then I saw him freshman year, said hi, and he totally ignored me. I have no idea what the hell is up that kid's ass, but it is so far up that it's made him a giant asshole. Then in Sophomore year he and I were in the same Honors class and I happened to state my opinion a lot in that class, especially to my friend Will. So, he emailed Will and told him that he should just tell me off and called me a Feminist bitch. Yep, that really let me know that he was a giant asshole. I don't know, it just might be because his family is rich as fuck and it's totally gotten to his brain. I kind of wish that he wasn't like what he is now, because I really valued our friendship, and I know our friend Landon did too.

Anyway, so I brought cookies in for my counselor and finally decided on taking Modern Lit, so I have to do my reading, and I also brought breakfast doughnuts for Biology, and everyone totally ate them, while I only got a couple, and that happened to consist of my breakfast. I kind of feel like today was an alright day, but I just didn't like it all that much...

Also, Ms. Hazard was talking to us some more about going to New York at the end of the year and the kind of fundraisers we could do. I just got to say, it's going to be crazy expensive, and that $1,300 I could be saving just to buy a decent car instead of going on a trip that will last a total of three days, going to places that I have already seen, and traveling to Denver/flying for two days. Maybe it will be worth it, I don't know, I just hope so.

Day 14

I just want to say that I am kind of liking the music that Miss Hazard picked out for Choir. There, I said it, and now the internet will know that I did, and Ms. Hazard if she ever sees this. Now, onto really cool stuff, in Biology we've been watching a movie about the Arctic and have been creating food chains, which is pretty cool. Today, we started the Serengeti bit of it, and then we'll be making a food web, which happens to be more complicated. Also, I don't know if I told you this, but there's this guy in my Biology class that I, well, kinda hate. I'll get more into later. See ya!