Day 56

Just want to state that, not only is the number of this post my favorite number, but TODAY is my favorite DAY and HOLIDAY! Today, I dressed up as Dia De Los Muertos - Senorita Death. Yes, I was a Mexican day of the dead girl for those who don't understand. It went pretty well, I wish I had gotten a really good picture of it, but I'll probably wear it again next year or something. Not a lot happened today, especially since it was Halloween, but school seemed to have continued to resume anyway. How BORING! Still, nothing can ruin my mood that I always carry with me every Halloween.

Day 55

We, the Seniors, class of 2015, have to take a freaking test in order to graduate this year. Another test?! Yes, and we have to go over Science and Social Studies from 8th grade to 12th grade. I don't know if any of you guys would be freaking out, but I am freaking the fuck out! The test is next freaking week, and we have no way of studying for it. From my freaking understanding, in order to graduate, we have to pass this test, doesn't matter if we've got our credits and paid our dues, we have to pass this to graduate. Not sure, but if that is the thing, I'll be talking to some pretty important people and call bull shit on this. If that's not the case, awesome! Still, freaking out.

Day 54

Mythology happened to turn out pretty good; we watched the Ramayana, at least the Indian animated story telling of it. It was pretty good, especially the part after Sita gets kidnapped and Rima has to go to the monkeys to get her back - their musical number was pretty funny.

Government, we are creating an argument over which President was better at certain categories that they are supposed to hold to. I got President James Garfield. Yeah, the guy who only served for about 4 months until he was assassinated. I'd tell you what I have, but I'm not gonna chance my classmates reading in on this. I'll tell you guys if I remember next week, after the debate.

Day 53

A little late to class today, but the corrections went just fine. Actually, I was quite surprised when I answered my questions and looked back at all the ones I got wrong. Like, I knew what a lot of them were, but I just don't understand what happened the day that I took the test? Did I just suddenly blank out or something? I mean, come on, I knew it all! Just pretty bummed that my score was that terrible.

Then, in Modern Lit, we had to write an essay for class today. Yeah, it was pretty good and all, until the end where Ms. Johnston comes up to my group and sees that I wrote on the front and back side of the paper. Oh my gosh, she looked upset. I guess she said that we were supposed to take out three pages of paper and only write on the front of the paper and not on the back so she doesn't have to turn the paper just to read the back. Come on! Are you kidding? So, Cay and I tried it out, and we proved that if you were just reading the fronts, you'd still have to flip the page and LOOK AT THE BACK OF THE PAGE. I swear, if I get marked down for writing on the back of my notebook paper, I'm really going to be pissed,

And then, my day seemed just to get better (please note the sarcasm). We got our third piece of music today and, just for our Christmas concert, it was about Jesus. No! Not ONLY was it about Jesus, but it was about Jesus slaying "Satan" and defeating him to restore peace and good to the world. Sorry, I just find this ironic, because, not two nights ago, I spoke to my Goddess, and told her my views on Lucifer. (To any of those who read this and are very religious, just go ahead and skip this, I imagine you already did when you read the word "Goddess" but I'm warning you just in case, because it will probably go against what you believe).

Here's the thing; I do not believe that Lucifer defied his father so that he could be God, I do not believe that Lucifer is the sole entity of evil, I do believe that Lucifer loved his father so much that he would have done anything for him except risk his being (his reason of existence), I do believe that Lucifer was wronged, I do believe that - if there is evil in this world - it was in God first if we were created in his image. Now, I understand Lucifer's feelings, I know because I practically worshiped my father, I loved him with all my heart and being, I took his side on matters before my mother's, and I would have given up almost anything for him. Then, he asked me to give up something important to me, something that was me, and I said no. Then, not once, but twice, he disowned me. See, I was disowned for staying true to myself, something that Lucifer did, and I was the outcast of my family - still am - just like Lucifer. I don't blame Lucifer for hating his father, I am the exact same! But, because he's my family, there is only a small part of my being that holds love for my father, and, when the day comes he does something to wrong me again, that will always be there, but it will slowly diminish.

Now, to sing a song about Jesus destroying Lucifer, praising him for his destiny of triumph, I cannot abide by. You know what? If Jesus was such a savior, he would pull what Aang did in Avatar the Last Airbender to the Firelord. (Skip to 3:10 to understand what I mean, fans who know what I'm talking about, bless you).

Anyway, I don't agree with the song at all, I don't want to ever praise a brother for killing his brother (half-brother?) because his father tells him to. If my father told me that the only way I could ever have his love was to kill my sister or else he would make her kill me, I would beat the shit out of him. My sister would have had nothing to do with what would be going on between my father and I, he would have just put her in the middle of OUR problem to use her to do his dirty work and/or to get to me. It is a poor father that would rather kill his child instead of trying to work things out.

Day 52

Today has been a long day. Just got the results for my Biology test (58%) and hopefully I'll get to do a TON of corrections tomorrow, because I'm really going to need it. Mythology was boring, but we have to read an Indian epic, which is all kinds of strange for me. And we're talking about Genetic Mutations and how advanced its become today, relating it to Modern Lit, and I've been taking notes over the powers of the president for Government, and it's just been such a long day.

I've actually been thinking about getting a new job, but it'll probably happen more around March than next month.

Simple Rant

I'm kind of freaking out because I don't know what to do with the rest of my life at the moment. My best friend says I should just go to college to get a good job, but everyone else says I should set myself up for a career. And the things that I want to do for the rest of my life, I keep getting told that you can't make a living off of. What is it that I want to do? I want to major in Art, Singing, and Creative Writing. All of which I guess you can't make a good living off of. And then, I get told to go after my dreams and not let the world stop me, but those same people tell me what I can and can't do.

I have considered alternatives. I thought about being an English teacher, an Egyptologist, do something to travel the world,  but even these have gotten shot down. Is there nothing I can do that everyone will just shut up about? I want to do things that make me happy, but I'm a Gemini; learning about everything would make me happy, doing something liberal and artistic would make me happy. Now why can't I just have the courage to tell people this?

Day 51

Today, I missed Mythology, more than likely failed another test in Government, and spent half of my 8th hour doing a test to help out the administration and the rest of it over at the Maverick, hanging out with some friends over there. Yeah, it was just a day. No school tomorrow or Friday, but I work for the rest of the week...not how I wanted to spend this week.

Day 50

I bombed my test. I know it, I know I did. I studied for it, and really hard to, but then the questions just came at me like they were shadows and just kept at me until I didn't know what was going on. And then there was a sheet that had questions on it that I never got. I failed and I know it and I'm freaking out. Shit, this sucks.

Today was really boring, just finished Brave New World as a class, and we sang the Fa La La song for a bit in choir.

Day 49

It was almost too difficult to even get up this morning. Sure, I had school and I worked late last night and I didn't go to bed until 1 in the morning, but that's just how I role. I'm serious. I can't sleep until 2 in the morning sometimes and I have to have 10 hours of sleep just to even get enough sleep. Call me lazy, I don't care, but that's just how it went.

Anyway, school, after having a week off, is very difficult to get back into the swing of things, especially when you just wish it was the week off again but it turns out you still have to go to school. It was rough this morning, especially with late start. Today, we studied for our test that we're having tomorrow in Biology. I'm pretty worried about it, especially since I'm not very good at memorizing and remembering. Mythology we took notes, finally finished my homework for it that was due last week. We also finished reading Brave New World in Modern Lit (at least I did) and I really liked it.

Finally, we got our music today. And the best part is we're not singing Chili Con Carne, especially it's not really a Christmas-y song. Instead we're singing "Christmas Lullaby" and "Various Themes of Fa La La". In truth, I really enjoy Christmas, but I would really prefer not having Christianity shoved down my throat. I don't know if any of you see it, but as a Pagan I am constantly struggling to breath in a country built off of the word of God, in a school that is filled with many Christians. I do not have a problem with these people, just Christianity. For two years, I didn't come out to my friends about me being a Pagan because I was afraid that the really hard-core Christians would hear about it and pick up their pitchforks and burn me at a stake. If you're laughing or think that it's a ridiculous thought, please stop. You have no clue how afraid I am for my life. I truly am afraid that, because of my religion, someone will make an example out of me or anyone else. I grew up in a Christian family and was scared to death about the idea of doing anything wrong and you go to hell. Well, that's over now, and the only hell I see is the one people make this world out to be.

Like I said, I like Christmas, but I cannot, CANNOT, sing praise to "Christ" and "Baby Jesus". No. That is not who I worship, that is not who I sing praise to. Already, I've brought this up with my teacher, especially last quarter, but this song, I cannot sing. If I do sing it, I disrespect my Gods. If I do sing it, I will not be myself, and I am done trying to conform to other people's standards. I'm not like the one girl in a choir who refused to sing a Muslim song, I don't refuse to sing this song solely based off of "Oh, it's Christianity, look at how many people they've killed, look at they corrupted this world". No, I'm not doing that. I cannot sing this song because it goes against MY VIEWS against WHO I AM, and against ALL THAT I STAND FOR. I don't hate Muslims and I don't blame all the Muslims for what a small group of them does, and that stand for Christians. I don't agree with many things that they say and do, so I won't associate myself with them. If my friend is a Christian, Catholic, Mormon, or whatever, awesome! I'm not going to base them off their religion, I will base them off their person and moral. Their religion is a part of them, but it doesn't determine who they are.

Day 48

Surprising thing happened this morning; my mom actually let me sleep in an hour later than usual. She didn't wake me up until 9:30 am. I thought that was really nice of her, except for the fact that I needed to go to biology to get our exam notes so that I could study this weekend for the exam, and I happened to be a little late to Mythology, which we were having a test in and the test was pretty easy ( I finished in 25 minutes while everyone needed to class period and then some). Also, I retook my greek vocab test today, and I feel like I did better on it than I did the first time I took it. I also spent the rest of my lunch period, and eighth hour, watching this youtube channel called Feminist Frequency. I enjoy watching the videos that they stream on there, and I didn't realize about the Damsels in Distress in Video games until it was pointed out to me. It wasn't too bad. Tonight, I work again, but I don't close! Yay!

Day 47

Today HAS to be Friday.

I'm serious. It feels like a freaking Friday. Well, except for the fact that I had to work tonight. Still, it feels like Friday!

School was school. Still filled with tons of homework and boring lectures. Sure, there are times I like listening to what my teachers have to say, there are times when I enjoy it, but then there's a lot of the times when I just want to take notes and not have to worry about homework or projects. Yeah, that would be nice. But, no, high school doesn't seem to work out that way, even if you are a senior.

Day 46

Today, I got picked up by Cay and got to school just in time for Mythology, where we started off with taking lots and lots of notes. Chinese, Polynesian, and Hawaiian mythology. So far, it's all be pretty interesting, but my attention span is still pretty low. In Gov, we actually were put into groups and were given topics (health care and environment saving) and to choose if we would support the bills that went along with them or if we were against them. My group got to be the environment hippies and were pro saving the planet, which I like. We also beat the other group so bad, they didn't even have a real argument against us! Totally rad. Then, creative writing was just, well, creative writing. There was notes for the other kids, but I just spent the time reading and writing. Yeah, that was pretty much it.

Day 45

Kind of missed biology today, also know that I've got a couple things missing that I have to turn in. Also, modern lit is going alright. We took a Greek vocab test earlier before we left for break and I've got to retake the test tomorrow. Maybe it'll bring up my grade (at least that's the hope). And then choir, well, we spent the entire time going over sight reading. I get it, sight reading is important, but I really suck at it, even though I've been learning it for three years now. I feel kind of bad for Ms. Hazard, especially since she's trying to take on such big things to make her seem as if she can take over Mr. Stone's place or do a better job or show that she can be just as good as him. I guess she's taken to trying to prove herself so much that all of her big projects are overwhelming her. If it ins't, that would shock me. Seriously, planning a trip to New York where everyone only has less than a year to get the money, buying brand new choir dresses when the ones we have are fine, even though they may be a bit busty around the chest. I don't know. I would be going crazy like a week ago.

Day 44

First day back to school was really rough, and I'm not kidding. My attention span was 3 on a scale of 1 to 10, and I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. Pretty much, today was the day where all the teachers start where they left off and pray to God that their students actually cared to remember what happened a week ago. I find that the problem with school is that they shouldn't have given us such long breaks. Instead, we should have gotten Fridays off, especially with the new schedule. But, hey, what do I know? I'm just a lousy teenager who doesn't care (yeah right!).

All I know is that I've got a couple tests coming up soon and I have got to study like crazy for them. Problem is, I can't seem to find the time to do anything, even homework. No one told me that trying to act like a responsible adult was going to be hard, which would've helped me.

Day 43

Finally, it's the end of the freaking quarter. Though I didn't get to watch any movies today whatsoever in class, I'm so happy that school is out for the next week, though I can't say the same for work. Anyway, have a good week off from my ranting!

Day 42

Oh man, the concert was not what I expected. In a bad way. We started with Sing Dem Hern and it was just...horrible. We each seemed to be out of it and we weren't singing together. Then, Women's chorus reminded me of a Middle school choir, where the little girls can't reach for the high notes and their stretching as high as they can just to REACH but then they sound raspy and out of breath. The Men's chorus was alright, but not as great or sophisticated as last year. It seemed like they were going everywhere with their notes as they tried to find the right ones. Then, for my choir, Las Cantantes, we weren't perfect, but we weren't that horrible either. I'm in Alto 2, but for both of our songs, you could not hear Alto 2 except for the times where we were Forte (loud). It really pissed me off. And then, you have Monumental Singers, the greatest choir of our school, the one Mrs. Hazard and most of our choir teachers have spent their time on so they could be the best of the best. And, of course, they were the best. Their songs were perfect for them, their voices were perfect. I mean, seriously, how did they get better songs than us? How did that happen? I don't know, I feel like my choir is so...cliche? Not the right word, but it's meaning is what I'm looking for. Ah, amateurs, that's the one. Yep, that's it.