Day 53

A little late to class today, but the corrections went just fine. Actually, I was quite surprised when I answered my questions and looked back at all the ones I got wrong. Like, I knew what a lot of them were, but I just don't understand what happened the day that I took the test? Did I just suddenly blank out or something? I mean, come on, I knew it all! Just pretty bummed that my score was that terrible.

Then, in Modern Lit, we had to write an essay for class today. Yeah, it was pretty good and all, until the end where Ms. Johnston comes up to my group and sees that I wrote on the front and back side of the paper. Oh my gosh, she looked upset. I guess she said that we were supposed to take out three pages of paper and only write on the front of the paper and not on the back so she doesn't have to turn the paper just to read the back. Come on! Are you kidding? So, Cay and I tried it out, and we proved that if you were just reading the fronts, you'd still have to flip the page and LOOK AT THE BACK OF THE PAGE. I swear, if I get marked down for writing on the back of my notebook paper, I'm really going to be pissed,

And then, my day seemed just to get better (please note the sarcasm). We got our third piece of music today and, just for our Christmas concert, it was about Jesus. No! Not ONLY was it about Jesus, but it was about Jesus slaying "Satan" and defeating him to restore peace and good to the world. Sorry, I just find this ironic, because, not two nights ago, I spoke to my Goddess, and told her my views on Lucifer. (To any of those who read this and are very religious, just go ahead and skip this, I imagine you already did when you read the word "Goddess" but I'm warning you just in case, because it will probably go against what you believe).

Here's the thing; I do not believe that Lucifer defied his father so that he could be God, I do not believe that Lucifer is the sole entity of evil, I do believe that Lucifer loved his father so much that he would have done anything for him except risk his being (his reason of existence), I do believe that Lucifer was wronged, I do believe that - if there is evil in this world - it was in God first if we were created in his image. Now, I understand Lucifer's feelings, I know because I practically worshiped my father, I loved him with all my heart and being, I took his side on matters before my mother's, and I would have given up almost anything for him. Then, he asked me to give up something important to me, something that was me, and I said no. Then, not once, but twice, he disowned me. See, I was disowned for staying true to myself, something that Lucifer did, and I was the outcast of my family - still am - just like Lucifer. I don't blame Lucifer for hating his father, I am the exact same! But, because he's my family, there is only a small part of my being that holds love for my father, and, when the day comes he does something to wrong me again, that will always be there, but it will slowly diminish.

Now, to sing a song about Jesus destroying Lucifer, praising him for his destiny of triumph, I cannot abide by. You know what? If Jesus was such a savior, he would pull what Aang did in Avatar the Last Airbender to the Firelord. (Skip to 3:10 to understand what I mean, fans who know what I'm talking about, bless you).

Anyway, I don't agree with the song at all, I don't want to ever praise a brother for killing his brother (half-brother?) because his father tells him to. If my father told me that the only way I could ever have his love was to kill my sister or else he would make her kill me, I would beat the shit out of him. My sister would have had nothing to do with what would be going on between my father and I, he would have just put her in the middle of OUR problem to use her to do his dirty work and/or to get to me. It is a poor father that would rather kill his child instead of trying to work things out.