Day 49

It was almost too difficult to even get up this morning. Sure, I had school and I worked late last night and I didn't go to bed until 1 in the morning, but that's just how I role. I'm serious. I can't sleep until 2 in the morning sometimes and I have to have 10 hours of sleep just to even get enough sleep. Call me lazy, I don't care, but that's just how it went.

Anyway, school, after having a week off, is very difficult to get back into the swing of things, especially when you just wish it was the week off again but it turns out you still have to go to school. It was rough this morning, especially with late start. Today, we studied for our test that we're having tomorrow in Biology. I'm pretty worried about it, especially since I'm not very good at memorizing and remembering. Mythology we took notes, finally finished my homework for it that was due last week. We also finished reading Brave New World in Modern Lit (at least I did) and I really liked it.

Finally, we got our music today. And the best part is we're not singing Chili Con Carne, especially it's not really a Christmas-y song. Instead we're singing "Christmas Lullaby" and "Various Themes of Fa La La". In truth, I really enjoy Christmas, but I would really prefer not having Christianity shoved down my throat. I don't know if any of you see it, but as a Pagan I am constantly struggling to breath in a country built off of the word of God, in a school that is filled with many Christians. I do not have a problem with these people, just Christianity. For two years, I didn't come out to my friends about me being a Pagan because I was afraid that the really hard-core Christians would hear about it and pick up their pitchforks and burn me at a stake. If you're laughing or think that it's a ridiculous thought, please stop. You have no clue how afraid I am for my life. I truly am afraid that, because of my religion, someone will make an example out of me or anyone else. I grew up in a Christian family and was scared to death about the idea of doing anything wrong and you go to hell. Well, that's over now, and the only hell I see is the one people make this world out to be.

Like I said, I like Christmas, but I cannot, CANNOT, sing praise to "Christ" and "Baby Jesus". No. That is not who I worship, that is not who I sing praise to. Already, I've brought this up with my teacher, especially last quarter, but this song, I cannot sing. If I do sing it, I disrespect my Gods. If I do sing it, I will not be myself, and I am done trying to conform to other people's standards. I'm not like the one girl in a choir who refused to sing a Muslim song, I don't refuse to sing this song solely based off of "Oh, it's Christianity, look at how many people they've killed, look at they corrupted this world". No, I'm not doing that. I cannot sing this song because it goes against MY VIEWS against WHO I AM, and against ALL THAT I STAND FOR. I don't hate Muslims and I don't blame all the Muslims for what a small group of them does, and that stand for Christians. I don't agree with many things that they say and do, so I won't associate myself with them. If my friend is a Christian, Catholic, Mormon, or whatever, awesome! I'm not going to base them off their religion, I will base them off their person and moral. Their religion is a part of them, but it doesn't determine who they are.