Day 83

Sorry, didn't go to school today. More tomorrow!

Day 82

I feel VERY confident about my Modern Lit and Biology test. Yeah, I studied until my brain was about to explode, but I feel like I really did well, though I don't doubt Ms. Johnson might find something to mark off just for the hell of it. Today I was very irritated by Ms. Hazard, because we sang Christmas carols around the school for ninety minutes. It was ridiculous, especially when I had to sing Tenor the entire time and Ashley (one of the vice-principals' daughter) decided she was going to lead us all around the school to sing when she only had six places picked out so we kept singing in the exact same spots.

Yes, a lot about our Christmas caroling irritated me. Not only was the timing wrong (finals week, seriously? why couldn't we have done it earlier in December?) but the carols weren't even fun, they weren't full of Christmas spirit and joy. The ones we sang last year were just that, and we walked and sang at the same time, but Ms. Hazard just had us stand in a spot and sing a song and then move, so my friend and I started singing fun Christmas carols and she told us to stop singing because we were disturbing classes. Let me tell you, I had the BEST bitch face on because we were already disturbing classes with our singing, and it was her fault that we were singing during the Finals week and that the carols were shitty. I promise you that I am usually fine with Christmas, I actually love Christmas, but when I have all of Christianity stuck down my throat like bad medicine that makes me spiteful towards it. I don't celebrate it for Christ, I celebrate it for joy and family. If Ms. Hazard makes my choir sing more Christian songs or anything to do about Jesus after I have told her several times of how uncomfortable I am of it, I will bring the issue directly to the principal. It's just I'm tired of being forced to do this when it's obvious I am way too uncomfortable with it.

Day 81

Biology I was studying like crazy! Just kidding, we spent most of the hour just talking and being pretty chill before the big test tomorrow. Mythology we didn't have a lesson plan actually planned, so we didn't do anything thing. Modern Lit we studied for our test tomorrow as well. I think those are the only tests I'm freaking out about. In American gov we finished our movie and then we got our study guides and we were put into groups for this stupid review game we've got to do before our test. We didn't do much of anything for choir or creative writing. It's just been a long, slow day today.

Day 80

The concert was fantastic! Women's Choir has advanced so far and the Men's chorus was pretty funny, and, of course, I was a bit envious of Monumental Singers, but two of the songs they sang was...ridiculous? Stupid? I don't know, but it wasn't befitting of them. I mean, singing Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies was a good idea, but I don't feel it was fit for a choir to sing, and when they suddenly did a song with singing and dancing, it wasn't that great, especially when you couldn't make out the words because you're taken aback with all the ridiculous dancing. It's really too bad that Monumental singers is so stuck up and make it seem like they're better than the other choirs, because it makes them very cruel, especially when they act like bitches to the people I care about. Of course, Monumental Singers is an auditioned choir, a mixed auditioned choir, but Las Cantantes is an auditioned choir and you don't see a lot of them acting like stuck-up bitches - yes there are some that do that who belong to mainly the Sopranos. Still, there's no need to be better than the other, it's just disrespectful. Anyway, when my choir sang - Las Cantantes - it was awesome! We didn't mess up our words, our pitches were great, and we had such a blast!

Biology we got the notes for our Final on Tuesday, and we got to pick our Urban Myth for Mythology - of course I picked Bloody Mary, though I might see if I can do another one for extra credit. We finished Black Like Me - book and movie - and got the notes for our Final on Thursday. Also, still watching Lincoln. And I kinda ditched Creative Writing to go see one of my old teachers at the 8/9. Yeah, it was an okay day.

Four and a half days until Christmas break!

Day 79

In Biology we finished the notes for our Unit test that's next Tuesday. Really worried, especially since it's Finals week and I'll have other tests that I have to memorize information for. When I say memorize, I mean exactly that and then forget most of the things that didn't stick out to me. It really sucks to admit that. Took some notes on Native American mythology that I found to be really interesting, and we're also getting started on our Urban Myths final presentation, which I imagine will go very well. In Modern Lit we have continued watching Black Like Me and the movie representation of the novel is very interesting, I'm really enjoying it.

American Gov we are still watching Lincoln and it's really good. Choir we got to practice for our concert in the auditorium - finally! - and with the boys dancing to one of our pieces. I'm super nervous, but I have all my music memorized, so I'm pretty happy - and excited - about that. And in Creative Writing we spent our time in the library and I turned in my twenty poems and short story a day early - I was excited.

So excited for the concert tonight!

Day 78

I am so, so very tired. This morning the air was bitter with frost, the only sign that winter had laid its claim in the Grand Valley. My partner and I gave our presentations on the Kikuyu mythology and found another tribe that was closely similar to it. We took our government test today for the Judicial branch and I feel very confident about it, but I'll probably get a C like I always do on the Government tests, but we're starting to watch the Lincoln movie which makes me really excited.

Also, I talked to my counselor today and tried to get three/four releases since I only need two classes left to graduate and am graduating with 32 out of 25 credits, but she told me I could only have two releases. What?! Really?! Only two?! But, I only need two more classes! I only need to show up TWICE to school! I worked hard to get those releases! Why don't I have them? Because the school is using me and all the other students as tickets to get more money for the school. See, the more students a school has in session, the more money they get. I understand, totally, especially when they put the money more towards the sports programs than the musical, but I get it. Except for the fact that I have to still be in school. I could have graduated early, but my counselor put all my required classes into my second semester, but I didn't mind because I was told that for first semester we were required only two releases, but second semester we could get more, and now I'm getting denied something I worked really hard to get.

That's called bullshit, my friends.

Instead of wasting my time for four hours I could be doing a four hour shift at work or even an eight hour shift and get home before ten at night. Instead, I have to take more classes that I don't need all for the sake of my school that wants to use me as a money cow. They tell you that high school is supposed to be the best time of your life, that being a teenager is supposed to be the best time of your life, but we were just being played so people could use us to their advantage instead of helping us to achieve our ambitions. That is what the American public school system is like and, on several occasions, it's almost ended my life. No matter how much I try, I will always be average in the eyes of my mentors who push me to be better than what I am. What if I don't want to be better because being what I am is the best? As good as a thought that is, it's either push to get to the front or get pushed aside and be left behind, thinking you were a failure when, in reality, it was the system that failed us.

We were being played all along.

Day 77

Best. Day. Ever!

Why? Because in Biology we dissected a cow's heart!!! It was totally awesome (though we had never done anything like it - neither did our teacher) and I really, really wish we got to do something like that again! My partner was pretty grossed out by it, but I had fun cutting the heart apart for the first time. There was only one group that seemed to be following the directions and it kind of looked like they were frustrated as hell about it, but Sasha and I did our own thing and learned what the heart was like in our own way, and it turned out pretty fun. We took the heart over to our other science teacher, Mr. Fox, and showed off how totally awesome Mr. Miller's Bio class was (and I got to learn some cool stuff about the heart from Fox too!).

Fifth hour Modern Lit we started a movie made in the 1960s about Black Like Me, and the adaptation is surprisingly good.

Seventh hour we spent working really hard on our music; my biggest thing is that I have to memorize everything - or just the words. No worries! I'll be able to get it done in two days! I'm a natural!!!

Day 76

I am completely heart broken; my Mp3 player didn't survive the washer or dryer. The one that I have has lasted me for almost two years now - the longest of all my players - so it really sucks, especially since I won't be able to get one for another couple weeks. Anyway, we had a sub in Biology today, so we watched a video about Medicine and how far its advanced. Mythology we're still working on our African PowerPoints, Modern lit everyone is slowly catching up and the worksheets are endless. Government we had PowerPoints over cases that the Supreme Court ruled on that affected our Amendments and freedoms for the people. Very slowly we're finishing our way to our Christmas concert, but I'm actually spending most of my time writing twenty poems and perfecting my short story for Adv. Creative Writing. I'm really excited! Only five more poems to go!!!

Day 74 - 75

The past couple of days have been riddled with coughs and homework. I'm so happy it's the weekend, I couldn't stand another minute having to be at school when all I want to do is sleep! In Mythology we've started a new until, this time on African Mythology. My partner and I are to research a group in Kenya that call themselves Kikuyu and find their creation myth and an adventure myth. So far it's hard to find the both of those, but I finished the PowerPoint today (Friday). In Biology we just had a counselor come in to have us sign papers that we're going to stay in Biology for next semester. We're still reading Black Like Me (though I've already finished and the class is still making their way to page 83), but so far I'm just ready for school to be over with.

12 Days until Christmas Break!!!

Day 74

Mythology, since we read King Arthur, we watched the movie, the Keira Knightly one though it wasn't an adaption that was close to the story line very much. Still, it was pretty good. In American Government we took some more notes but we also are doing a presentation on court cases that have affected our nation. The one that my group got was Texas v. Johnston, it's about flag burning and if it's unconstitutional or a part of the first Amendment. Eighth hour we're watching a movie that goes along with scripts.

Also, my prayers go out to the protesters and to the family of Eric Garner; a horrible nightmare that justice will not be served the way it should upon those who have inflicted the cruelest of pain.

Day 73

I didn't go to school today, I actually helped out my sister as she moved out of my dad's house and into her own place. Don't know if she knows it, but I'm pretty proud of her.

Day 72

Oh my gosh! I have not been asleep for almost thirty-six hours now and I had to close last night and I am really sick! Being a teenager sucks, but I had to push through it, even though sleep was the only constant on my mind. I spent third hour watching an almost twenty year old movie about Ebola and found it quite terrifying and interesting. In Mythology my group acted out our scene for King Arthur and it looked like my group was the one who tried the hardest. Fifth hour we just went over a poem written by a black women in the 1950s and how its theme fit in with the novel Black Like Me.

Sixth hour was VERY important for me today, because I was very interested in what we were talking about. We were talking about the different cases that the Supreme Court was a part of and how it helped to shape the Supreme Court and our society today. All the cases were interesting, like the ending of segregation - especially in public schools, when women were given the right to have an abortion, etc. I was very grateful for those people that fought for the rights that I have, and it makes me humble. Also, Mr. Stockert opened my eyes - and the class' - to what was happening today; people are trying to limit our rights. His words sparked my curiosity that I spoke to him after class about it. I asked him that, even though our government was a democratic one, wasn't trying to take or change our rights illegal. The look he gave me was like "Ah! You get it." Then he told me how it was. I then asked him, "Wouldn't that make our government tyrannic?" Then he smiled at him, telling me that it would indeed. My perspective has changed a bit, and I'm glad Mr. Stockert has opened my eyes to it.

Seventh hour was full of music and eighth hour was surprisingly dull. I actually got pulled down to the councilor's office to talk about how I need to raise my ACT score or take a placement test in order to take a college Algebra class. I keep trying to set a time to take the ACT, but it's just been misplaced. I'll have to call soon.

Until tomorrow!

Tribute to Michael Brown

It's only an hour after Thanksgiving, but it should be enough time for people not to become quickly offended with what I have to say and what I have to say is very important. To those who don't know me and do know me this may come to a surprise to you, but I only hope that your eyes will be open to the injustices that are happening - none of which have only happened lately but have been happening and we have overlooked it.

I am an advocate for all people, no matter their religion or race, their sex or who they love; I support all people. 

After my school was visited by the Rachel's Challenge foundation four years ago, I have been an advocate for all people and to not judge a person by what our society would label them as. Because of this, I thank Rachel Scott and her family for spreading her message, touching the lives of thousands to teach the new generations of children to not hold hate in their hearts if a person is not what society approves them as. Rachel Scott is a spokesperson for love and life and I hold her ethics close to my heart, so it hurts me when my country is spitting on her memory.

No doubt many of you have heard of the death of Michael Brown by the officer of the Ferguson police force Darren D. Wilson, but if you have not I pray that you do so that you may understand my pain and the pain of many others. Michael Brown was an innocent person. An innocent person! I stress this because the man who took his life killed him out of injustice and because of the color of his skin. Darren D. Wilson was charged to serve and protect the people of the United States, and he abused that power by shooting Michael Brown six times even though his hands were up in surrender.

I had heard of what happened and the protesting in the beginning of August, just when school was starting, and kept up with the story, but on Tuesday, November 25, 2014, I heard very disturbing news. For over 100 days, a grand jury got together to look at the evidence of Michael Browns death. 100 days passed, and Tuesday night at 9 p.m. they were scheduled to give their verdict on Darren D. Wilson, and what they said shattered not only my heart, but also the hearts of the people of Ferguson, America, and possibly the world. The grand jury of St. Louise, Missouri ruled that officer Darren D. Wilson, the officer and man who shot and killed 18 year old honor student Michael Brown would not be indicted for the murder of Michael Brown.

How is this possible? How could this have possibly happen? How were these people going to let Michael Brown's killer walk loose after several eye witnesses saw him kill Michael Brown?

Those who don't live in the United States and/or possibly see this injustice every day should understand; the United States may not have started on it, but it was built to give justice to the people, to serve the people, to give people hope and human rights. We see people protesting against the removal of the second amendment that gives the people the right to bear arms (guns), we see protests against against our President Barack Obama, we see protests against abortion, but when the people of America protest because of the death of an innocent, police officers suddenly arm themselves as if they are going to war and shoot tear gas and rubber bullets at unarmed innocent people. Here in the United States we are given the right to protest and the freedom of speech, but when the people are attacked for exercising those rights, people have to see that there's something wrong going on.

And do any of you know what Darren D. Wilson was doing while the grand jury was coming to this decision? Officer Darren D. Wilson was on paid vacation and got married. How messed up! Paid vacation and marriage? Oh, and it doesn't stop there, because Darren D. Wilson was getting paid for interviews. Paid interviews, as if the media didn't mind paying a killer for his side of the story, a story that made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

If given the chance, I would be in Ferguson protesting against this injustice, but I can only give my support and prayers to them and be a small voice among the many that speak out against this. It hurts me because it has been over sixty years since the start of the Civil Rights Movement and African-Americans are still being preyed upon because of the color of their skin, because the KKK is still alive and killing innocent people, because the United States is taking a step back in history and repeating it instead of making it.

The problem is this has been happening for years; police officers killing innocent people and children as if they believe they hold the power to choose who is good or who is bad. So, when you get the chance, hold your loved ones close and share your love for them and know in your hearts that, wherever you are, it's better than the United States, because we're being killed by the people who have sworn to protect us with their lives, we are being killed by the ones we are told over and over again to always trust based off of the color of our skins. Right now, anywhere is better than the United States, the land of the free and home of the brave.

As sad as it truly is to admit it, it's the truth; America is not the greatest country in the world anymore. But, there's a solution; we can learn to eliminate the walls the society has created to separate the people, eliminate the walls of racism and discrimination, eliminate the bonds that tie us down to labels and learn that everyone is one very important thing; a human being. Rachel Scott was right to preach kindness to others, because it's a step, a chain reaction to make the world equal to all people. It's true; nothing has gotten done with just peaceful protesting. And, though this is true, we have to teach the importance of human beings, not based off of their religion or sex or race, but because they are a human being, nothing more and nothing less. This can be achieved, this is a fact because here I am, the end result to seventeen year process of my parents teaching me that everyone is equal and as important as I value myself, that everyone deserves respect and kindness.

This future is possible and it all starts right now with you.

Day 71

I cried today. There wasn't a dry tear today after our pep-assembly. Our school paid for the uncle of Rachel Joy Scott to come to our school and talk to us. Four years ago, Rachel's brother talked to us and it felt right that, four years later, we have that same talk again. Gosh, it was so hard especially after yesterday, but it made me more open, it made me feel good. In eighth and ninth grade I was a part of the Friends of Rachel group and it was great, it was so great, and this meeting reminded me of so much, it gave me so much to try for.

I won't be on for another week, because Thanksgiving is coming up. Happy Thanksgiving and see you in two weeks!

Day 70

Today was a really hard but uplifting day, and I'll never forget it.

Ever since I've been going to Fruita Monument I have been trying to find a teacher that would have known my Uncle, Terrence. He went to Fruita Monument too and he was going to graduate in 2000 but he dropped out and then he died two years later. Yes, he's been dead for twelve years and it still hurts because I have memories of him. Last year I found him in the old year books in our library. This year I felt I found a part of him.

Mr. Stockert, my American Gov teacher, was telling us today about how he went to Fruita Monument and how he went to college and he came back to teach at Fruita. He told us about he graduated in 2000 and that's when it just clicked for me. After class, I talked to him for a bit; I asked him if he ever knew a Terrence Ashcraft. To him the name was familiar, but when he looked at his picture in one of his year books he remembered him. I cried.

Then, today was the Thanks-For-Giving dinner for the Partners program and my Senior partner and best friend Maggie and I won the Partners award. We've been together for nine years now and I've never had as great as a friend as her. I'm so thankful for today, because I haven't been this happy for a while.

Day 69

In mythology we're reenacting a part of King Arthur, and my group got the ending. It's not too bad, but I'm just not really good with acting, even for really simple things. That's really all that's been happening today.

Day 68

In biology we are learning about the heart! It's probably a nice thing I'm watching Grey's Anatomy, especially since I'm now really interested in anatomy right now. In Modern Lit we're reading this book called Black Like Me and the guy wrote this based off his experience in 1950s when he turned his skin black so he could understand what it was like to be a black person. A lot of the kids in my class don't want to even bother with reading it, but they don't know how truly AMAZING this historical account truly is. I mean, someone was brave enough, in 1950s United States of America, to pretend to be black so they could get an actual account of what it truly was to be black.

What my classmates don't understand is that racism is still alive in America today. Oh, it's not as bad as what it used to be, but really think about. African Americans get less pay than white skinned Americans, they are forced to blend into our white society, forced to ACT white, and if they aren't a part of the white society they are looked at with fear and disgust. How horrible this kind of life truly is. And that is our society today! Look at what racism has done to us; it's "forced" a police officer to kill a black boy, it's "forced" several officers that uphold the law of the United States to take innocent lives. That is what my generation doesn't understand and I find that truly sad.

Day 67

Again, it's a monday, but the cool part about this monday is that next week I won't have any school! Yay! The only reason I like the pilgrims is because of Thanksgiving! That kind of seems harsh, but it's true, especially since they (unknowingly) spread an epidemic that killed thousands of natives to the area. Yep, turkey!

Anyway, it's just been an easy day, this entire week is more than likely going to be an easy week, but I won't count my eggs before they hatch.

Day 66

I don't feel like doing anything right now, it's like the morning after a very long party. At least Tiffany spent the night, we were able to have breakfast. When I got home I took a nap before I went to work and just passed out until 6. It was nice, but I was exhausted. At least the testing is over, for now.

Day 65

I love Biology. I love it! But, the science test for CMAS today was close to nothing like that. We had simulations where we had guess about certain things, but there was only about three questions about life science, like the trophic levels and ecosystems. It was ridiculous, worst than the social studies one. I'm kinda glad and proud of those students who are protesting against the standardized tests in Denver, because I call some major bull shit on this stuff.

Day 64

So, for Mythology, we've got a really awesome project going on; we get to create our our mythological monsters. Mine is the Jujango, a siren-like woman with the half the body of an octopus and half the body of a human. It's really cool, I just wish I was able to draw them out. Also, more notes for American Gov, it's almost like we never watch any movies in that class, even when Mr. Stockert is gone. Also, more writing.

Day 63

It was alright, especially since in biology we got to watch Atlantis: The Lost Empire (my favorite Disney movie!). Then, we watched a documentary about the Civil Rights movement in Modern Lit and we get our books yesterday called Black Like Me, about a white guy who turns black in the 1950s. It's just the same old day and the same old life.

Day 62

What's there to say? I am exhausted. My manager has scheduled me for 24 hours this week. 24 hours. That's a lot of hours. Sure, good for the money, but I don't have enough time on my hands to do that. Also, they usually schedule me from 8-11:30pm now, they have me close and I don't even get a 4, sometimes a 3, hour shift. Sorry, I'm just exhausted. Really exhausted.

Day 61

I'm losing my cool, I'm just lucky no one else around me has seen it happen. I'm having a pretty difficult time with my parents. Sure, most teenagers do, that's a given, but, I don't know, it's really hard to explain it without sounding like a spoiled brat. It's just I'm working really hard, with school and with my job, and I would REALLY appreciate it if my parent's could at least just help me out here. I need a car so that I can get to school and to work. Don't tell me to work for it, because I am, believe me. But, from my understanding, I can't get my license until I get my car, because my mother won't let me use her car so that I can drive to school in case something happens to my baby brother (isn't that why people call 911?) and I'm not driving my dad's because I don't know how to work a stick shift. In truth, this is happening exactly as it happened to my sister last year - I'm not going to get my car with the help of my parents, but, if my parents had their way, I wouldn't get my license until I turned 18, then they wouldn't have to worry about taking me down to the DMV or helping me get my car. Let me tell you something; it is EMBARRASSING to have to have your parents drive you to your graduation. What do I mean? I mean exactly what I say, because when graduation comes, it's a whole new chapter, and having my parents drive me to it is like a symbol saying that I'm going to rely on my parents for the rest of my life to take me where I need to go, to hold my hand when I get hurt. Sure, my parents are going to help me later in life, that's what parents do, but I don't want them to treat me like a broken child, I want to be an adult who can fend for myself, I want to be able to do things on my own, but, right now, I need their help to get me there. Is that so much or too hard to ask for?

Day 60

I'm not going to spend too much time on this post. Just wanted to say that CMAS has indeed made me feel very stupid. I LOVE social studies, almost anything to do with history I enjoy, but I didn't understand a lot of the test, especially since it was mainly all about economics rather than history. I'm serious; throw questions at me about the Revolutionary war, the Seven Years war (French and Indian), anything to do with history! But I haven't even taken my economics class yet. I'm really disappointed in the test.

Day 59

It's been pretty nice because my best friend Maggie has been subbing at school. I don't get to see her very often, so it really tickles me that I get to see her more! Also, we're starting on our Celtic mythology, taking lots of notes and planning on reading Beowulf. American Gov was, as usual, filled with lots of notes, and Creative Writing was spent writing. I love how I FINALLY got a story idea stuck in my head. Already I've filled eight pages worth of it in my composition book. I should probably get back to doing that, because my writing waterfall is overflowing with ideas!

Day 58

Due to our testing, Mr. Miller decided to let us watch the Lorax today. For the test, we've been split into three groups; Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I'm on Thursday this week and next week. Anyway, it was just a pretty easy day. We did some worksheets for the civil rights movement for Modern Lit, practiced our music in choir. Can't say we did much of anything.

Day 57

Back to school, right? Well, Seniors had a meeting today about this stupid test we have to take in order to graduate; CMAS. It's supposed to test us on our social studies and science skills from eighth grade all the way to senior year. I think it's a load of crap. Not only do we not have any way for us to study for this test, but there's more than likely stuff I'm not going to know about. Also, it's senior year, I thought we were done with all the standardized testing, I thought we were finally free of having been decided of how to live our lives to an average score. This really pisses me off.

Day 56

Just want to state that, not only is the number of this post my favorite number, but TODAY is my favorite DAY and HOLIDAY! Today, I dressed up as Dia De Los Muertos - Senorita Death. Yes, I was a Mexican day of the dead girl for those who don't understand. It went pretty well, I wish I had gotten a really good picture of it, but I'll probably wear it again next year or something. Not a lot happened today, especially since it was Halloween, but school seemed to have continued to resume anyway. How BORING! Still, nothing can ruin my mood that I always carry with me every Halloween.

Day 55

We, the Seniors, class of 2015, have to take a freaking test in order to graduate this year. Another test?! Yes, and we have to go over Science and Social Studies from 8th grade to 12th grade. I don't know if any of you guys would be freaking out, but I am freaking the fuck out! The test is next freaking week, and we have no way of studying for it. From my freaking understanding, in order to graduate, we have to pass this test, doesn't matter if we've got our credits and paid our dues, we have to pass this to graduate. Not sure, but if that is the thing, I'll be talking to some pretty important people and call bull shit on this. If that's not the case, awesome! Still, freaking out.

Day 54

Mythology happened to turn out pretty good; we watched the Ramayana, at least the Indian animated story telling of it. It was pretty good, especially the part after Sita gets kidnapped and Rima has to go to the monkeys to get her back - their musical number was pretty funny.

Government, we are creating an argument over which President was better at certain categories that they are supposed to hold to. I got President James Garfield. Yeah, the guy who only served for about 4 months until he was assassinated. I'd tell you what I have, but I'm not gonna chance my classmates reading in on this. I'll tell you guys if I remember next week, after the debate.

Day 53

A little late to class today, but the corrections went just fine. Actually, I was quite surprised when I answered my questions and looked back at all the ones I got wrong. Like, I knew what a lot of them were, but I just don't understand what happened the day that I took the test? Did I just suddenly blank out or something? I mean, come on, I knew it all! Just pretty bummed that my score was that terrible.

Then, in Modern Lit, we had to write an essay for class today. Yeah, it was pretty good and all, until the end where Ms. Johnston comes up to my group and sees that I wrote on the front and back side of the paper. Oh my gosh, she looked upset. I guess she said that we were supposed to take out three pages of paper and only write on the front of the paper and not on the back so she doesn't have to turn the paper just to read the back. Come on! Are you kidding? So, Cay and I tried it out, and we proved that if you were just reading the fronts, you'd still have to flip the page and LOOK AT THE BACK OF THE PAGE. I swear, if I get marked down for writing on the back of my notebook paper, I'm really going to be pissed,

And then, my day seemed just to get better (please note the sarcasm). We got our third piece of music today and, just for our Christmas concert, it was about Jesus. No! Not ONLY was it about Jesus, but it was about Jesus slaying "Satan" and defeating him to restore peace and good to the world. Sorry, I just find this ironic, because, not two nights ago, I spoke to my Goddess, and told her my views on Lucifer. (To any of those who read this and are very religious, just go ahead and skip this, I imagine you already did when you read the word "Goddess" but I'm warning you just in case, because it will probably go against what you believe).

Here's the thing; I do not believe that Lucifer defied his father so that he could be God, I do not believe that Lucifer is the sole entity of evil, I do believe that Lucifer loved his father so much that he would have done anything for him except risk his being (his reason of existence), I do believe that Lucifer was wronged, I do believe that - if there is evil in this world - it was in God first if we were created in his image. Now, I understand Lucifer's feelings, I know because I practically worshiped my father, I loved him with all my heart and being, I took his side on matters before my mother's, and I would have given up almost anything for him. Then, he asked me to give up something important to me, something that was me, and I said no. Then, not once, but twice, he disowned me. See, I was disowned for staying true to myself, something that Lucifer did, and I was the outcast of my family - still am - just like Lucifer. I don't blame Lucifer for hating his father, I am the exact same! But, because he's my family, there is only a small part of my being that holds love for my father, and, when the day comes he does something to wrong me again, that will always be there, but it will slowly diminish.

Now, to sing a song about Jesus destroying Lucifer, praising him for his destiny of triumph, I cannot abide by. You know what? If Jesus was such a savior, he would pull what Aang did in Avatar the Last Airbender to the Firelord. (Skip to 3:10 to understand what I mean, fans who know what I'm talking about, bless you).

Anyway, I don't agree with the song at all, I don't want to ever praise a brother for killing his brother (half-brother?) because his father tells him to. If my father told me that the only way I could ever have his love was to kill my sister or else he would make her kill me, I would beat the shit out of him. My sister would have had nothing to do with what would be going on between my father and I, he would have just put her in the middle of OUR problem to use her to do his dirty work and/or to get to me. It is a poor father that would rather kill his child instead of trying to work things out.

Day 52

Today has been a long day. Just got the results for my Biology test (58%) and hopefully I'll get to do a TON of corrections tomorrow, because I'm really going to need it. Mythology was boring, but we have to read an Indian epic, which is all kinds of strange for me. And we're talking about Genetic Mutations and how advanced its become today, relating it to Modern Lit, and I've been taking notes over the powers of the president for Government, and it's just been such a long day.

I've actually been thinking about getting a new job, but it'll probably happen more around March than next month.

Simple Rant

I'm kind of freaking out because I don't know what to do with the rest of my life at the moment. My best friend says I should just go to college to get a good job, but everyone else says I should set myself up for a career. And the things that I want to do for the rest of my life, I keep getting told that you can't make a living off of. What is it that I want to do? I want to major in Art, Singing, and Creative Writing. All of which I guess you can't make a good living off of. And then, I get told to go after my dreams and not let the world stop me, but those same people tell me what I can and can't do.

I have considered alternatives. I thought about being an English teacher, an Egyptologist, do something to travel the world,  but even these have gotten shot down. Is there nothing I can do that everyone will just shut up about? I want to do things that make me happy, but I'm a Gemini; learning about everything would make me happy, doing something liberal and artistic would make me happy. Now why can't I just have the courage to tell people this?

Day 51

Today, I missed Mythology, more than likely failed another test in Government, and spent half of my 8th hour doing a test to help out the administration and the rest of it over at the Maverick, hanging out with some friends over there. Yeah, it was just a day. No school tomorrow or Friday, but I work for the rest of the week...not how I wanted to spend this week.

Day 50

I bombed my test. I know it, I know I did. I studied for it, and really hard to, but then the questions just came at me like they were shadows and just kept at me until I didn't know what was going on. And then there was a sheet that had questions on it that I never got. I failed and I know it and I'm freaking out. Shit, this sucks.

Today was really boring, just finished Brave New World as a class, and we sang the Fa La La song for a bit in choir.

Day 49

It was almost too difficult to even get up this morning. Sure, I had school and I worked late last night and I didn't go to bed until 1 in the morning, but that's just how I role. I'm serious. I can't sleep until 2 in the morning sometimes and I have to have 10 hours of sleep just to even get enough sleep. Call me lazy, I don't care, but that's just how it went.

Anyway, school, after having a week off, is very difficult to get back into the swing of things, especially when you just wish it was the week off again but it turns out you still have to go to school. It was rough this morning, especially with late start. Today, we studied for our test that we're having tomorrow in Biology. I'm pretty worried about it, especially since I'm not very good at memorizing and remembering. Mythology we took notes, finally finished my homework for it that was due last week. We also finished reading Brave New World in Modern Lit (at least I did) and I really liked it.

Finally, we got our music today. And the best part is we're not singing Chili Con Carne, especially it's not really a Christmas-y song. Instead we're singing "Christmas Lullaby" and "Various Themes of Fa La La". In truth, I really enjoy Christmas, but I would really prefer not having Christianity shoved down my throat. I don't know if any of you see it, but as a Pagan I am constantly struggling to breath in a country built off of the word of God, in a school that is filled with many Christians. I do not have a problem with these people, just Christianity. For two years, I didn't come out to my friends about me being a Pagan because I was afraid that the really hard-core Christians would hear about it and pick up their pitchforks and burn me at a stake. If you're laughing or think that it's a ridiculous thought, please stop. You have no clue how afraid I am for my life. I truly am afraid that, because of my religion, someone will make an example out of me or anyone else. I grew up in a Christian family and was scared to death about the idea of doing anything wrong and you go to hell. Well, that's over now, and the only hell I see is the one people make this world out to be.

Like I said, I like Christmas, but I cannot, CANNOT, sing praise to "Christ" and "Baby Jesus". No. That is not who I worship, that is not who I sing praise to. Already, I've brought this up with my teacher, especially last quarter, but this song, I cannot sing. If I do sing it, I disrespect my Gods. If I do sing it, I will not be myself, and I am done trying to conform to other people's standards. I'm not like the one girl in a choir who refused to sing a Muslim song, I don't refuse to sing this song solely based off of "Oh, it's Christianity, look at how many people they've killed, look at they corrupted this world". No, I'm not doing that. I cannot sing this song because it goes against MY VIEWS against WHO I AM, and against ALL THAT I STAND FOR. I don't hate Muslims and I don't blame all the Muslims for what a small group of them does, and that stand for Christians. I don't agree with many things that they say and do, so I won't associate myself with them. If my friend is a Christian, Catholic, Mormon, or whatever, awesome! I'm not going to base them off their religion, I will base them off their person and moral. Their religion is a part of them, but it doesn't determine who they are.

Day 48

Surprising thing happened this morning; my mom actually let me sleep in an hour later than usual. She didn't wake me up until 9:30 am. I thought that was really nice of her, except for the fact that I needed to go to biology to get our exam notes so that I could study this weekend for the exam, and I happened to be a little late to Mythology, which we were having a test in and the test was pretty easy ( I finished in 25 minutes while everyone needed to class period and then some). Also, I retook my greek vocab test today, and I feel like I did better on it than I did the first time I took it. I also spent the rest of my lunch period, and eighth hour, watching this youtube channel called Feminist Frequency. I enjoy watching the videos that they stream on there, and I didn't realize about the Damsels in Distress in Video games until it was pointed out to me. It wasn't too bad. Tonight, I work again, but I don't close! Yay!

Day 47

Today HAS to be Friday.

I'm serious. It feels like a freaking Friday. Well, except for the fact that I had to work tonight. Still, it feels like Friday!

School was school. Still filled with tons of homework and boring lectures. Sure, there are times I like listening to what my teachers have to say, there are times when I enjoy it, but then there's a lot of the times when I just want to take notes and not have to worry about homework or projects. Yeah, that would be nice. But, no, high school doesn't seem to work out that way, even if you are a senior.

Day 46

Today, I got picked up by Cay and got to school just in time for Mythology, where we started off with taking lots and lots of notes. Chinese, Polynesian, and Hawaiian mythology. So far, it's all be pretty interesting, but my attention span is still pretty low. In Gov, we actually were put into groups and were given topics (health care and environment saving) and to choose if we would support the bills that went along with them or if we were against them. My group got to be the environment hippies and were pro saving the planet, which I like. We also beat the other group so bad, they didn't even have a real argument against us! Totally rad. Then, creative writing was just, well, creative writing. There was notes for the other kids, but I just spent the time reading and writing. Yeah, that was pretty much it.

Day 45

Kind of missed biology today, also know that I've got a couple things missing that I have to turn in. Also, modern lit is going alright. We took a Greek vocab test earlier before we left for break and I've got to retake the test tomorrow. Maybe it'll bring up my grade (at least that's the hope). And then choir, well, we spent the entire time going over sight reading. I get it, sight reading is important, but I really suck at it, even though I've been learning it for three years now. I feel kind of bad for Ms. Hazard, especially since she's trying to take on such big things to make her seem as if she can take over Mr. Stone's place or do a better job or show that she can be just as good as him. I guess she's taken to trying to prove herself so much that all of her big projects are overwhelming her. If it ins't, that would shock me. Seriously, planning a trip to New York where everyone only has less than a year to get the money, buying brand new choir dresses when the ones we have are fine, even though they may be a bit busty around the chest. I don't know. I would be going crazy like a week ago.

Day 44

First day back to school was really rough, and I'm not kidding. My attention span was 3 on a scale of 1 to 10, and I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. Pretty much, today was the day where all the teachers start where they left off and pray to God that their students actually cared to remember what happened a week ago. I find that the problem with school is that they shouldn't have given us such long breaks. Instead, we should have gotten Fridays off, especially with the new schedule. But, hey, what do I know? I'm just a lousy teenager who doesn't care (yeah right!).

All I know is that I've got a couple tests coming up soon and I have got to study like crazy for them. Problem is, I can't seem to find the time to do anything, even homework. No one told me that trying to act like a responsible adult was going to be hard, which would've helped me.

Day 43

Finally, it's the end of the freaking quarter. Though I didn't get to watch any movies today whatsoever in class, I'm so happy that school is out for the next week, though I can't say the same for work. Anyway, have a good week off from my ranting!

Day 42

Oh man, the concert was not what I expected. In a bad way. We started with Sing Dem Hern and it was just...horrible. We each seemed to be out of it and we weren't singing together. Then, Women's chorus reminded me of a Middle school choir, where the little girls can't reach for the high notes and their stretching as high as they can just to REACH but then they sound raspy and out of breath. The Men's chorus was alright, but not as great or sophisticated as last year. It seemed like they were going everywhere with their notes as they tried to find the right ones. Then, for my choir, Las Cantantes, we weren't perfect, but we weren't that horrible either. I'm in Alto 2, but for both of our songs, you could not hear Alto 2 except for the times where we were Forte (loud). It really pissed me off. And then, you have Monumental Singers, the greatest choir of our school, the one Mrs. Hazard and most of our choir teachers have spent their time on so they could be the best of the best. And, of course, they were the best. Their songs were perfect for them, their voices were perfect. I mean, seriously, how did they get better songs than us? How did that happen? I don't know, I feel like my choir is so...cliche? Not the right word, but it's meaning is what I'm looking for. Ah, amateurs, that's the one. Yep, that's it.

Day 41

It's here; my concert is tomorrow night! I'm so excited and so nervous. What if we don't do so good? I mean, every time we have a concert, our practice goes smooth and amazing, but when we actually sing in front of the audience, we mess up because of our nerves. what if this is what's going to happen? We've all worked too hard to mess up and be talked about like we are a regular Women's Chorus instead of an advanced one. I know I've gone too far and done too much to even do that.

I've been writing a bit more than usual lately. I guess I have Mr. Herring to thank for that a little, but my problem is that I don't know what to write about. My head is like an empty canvas and I NEED to know what to paint and who's story to tell. If I can't do that, then what kind of writer am I? Exactly, it means that I'm not one. If I can't tell a story I'm not a writer, if I can't create amazing details where the hero and story comes to life, then I'm not a Creative Writer. I just feel like I need to get my head in the game.

Day 40

I hate those tests that you get on Monday over something important and you just spent the entire weekend just forgetting about everything that includes school. Yeah, well, we had a test over Brave New World today. So far, I'm kind of enjoying the book a bit, I just dislike how much homework that we've got to do. I also dislike the classes where it's an elective and not required, and the teachers even tell you that it's not required and assures you that it's supposed to be an easy as hell class, but they grade you like a college class. I know, I'm going to college soon, but if the teachers really wanted us to start acting like it, they should have started making us act like it in Freshman year so that we could be prepared. Yeah, it's a little of my fault too, but I feel like the problem can be equally shared for this.

Sorry, I kind of worked late last night, so I'm still trying to get my bearings.

Day 39

Finally! It's Friday! If you lived in Fruita, Colorado, you'd know what this means....Fruita Fall Fest!!!! It's basically a festival for the coming of fall full of vendors and rides, and food. It's also one of the best times to buy Christmas presents. Tonight we're going to have our family BBQ and go to the festival and play poker. Yeah, it's going to be pretty tight.

Today, all that really happened at school was our Greek vocab test that I bet I BOMBED and we had an organelles paper that we did that I totally didn't study for.

Day 38

So, Mythology is going alright, still a college like class, except we're watching the extended version of Lord of the Rings. We've gone through Norse mythology, Egyptian, and Mesopotamian. While watching Lord of the Rings, we've had to find connections that Tolkien took from the Norse myth Sigurd the Volsung, and, let me tell you, there are quite a few. That Tolkien is pretty sneaky, trust me.

That's about it so far.,.

Day 37

Man today was such a pain! I swear, Modern Lit is going to be the death of me. Don't remember if I mentioned it, but we're reading Brave New World and I swear it's like my AP US History class all over again. In US History, our chapters were longer, but we'd have to read them and have notes done and have a test done by the next day. A chapter per day. It sucked. Now, it's happening all over in Modern Lit!

Also, the concert is coming up! Less than a week now! I'm excited but nervous at the exact same time. I'm just worried about Dry Your Tears Afrika. I'm still having trouble memorizing when to come in at the right now and so on. I don't really like our Sing Dem Hern song either.

Yep, pretty much all for now. Ta ta.

Day 36

Didn't go to school today! What's nice is my mom will let me do that like only a couple of times, though I'm trying to change it to at least once a month (hey, a girl's gotta do homework!).

Day 35

Today's been a pretty slow day. The Choir Retreat was a success, and a lot of fun too. Today we just had a test in Mythology and Modern Lit is hard as hell, even though it's not a College Class. Just a lot of singing and I turned in my Poem Portfolio. Hopefully my D will go up now!

Day 34

I'm am so excited! Tonight is the Choir retreat!!! I imagine it's going to be so much fun and there's going to be so much singing! Sorry, that's pretty much the only thing that I've been thinking about all day. Our concert is coming up in seven school days, and I've pretty much memorized "Prayer of the Children", "Sing Dem Hern", and a little bit about "Come to the Music". Also, our American Gov test was today, something that I'm pretty sure that I passed! Gah!!! Yep, and then today has just really been about thinking about colleges and applications, scholarships and things I need. Yep, that's all folks!

2 Weeks until Fall Break

6 Weeks until Thanksgiving Break

14 Weeks until Christmas Break

Day 33

Today happened to be a pretty chill day. Kind of ditched the last hour of school today (oops! ;)).

Day 32

So, Cay and I had planned earlier about going out to breakfast for two weeks and last night she told me that she wasn't able to, so my dad took me out to breakfast. Today he's flying out to Kansas with a couple other guys so that he can drive new trucks down to his work, something he's not very excited about, but he doesn't argue if it gives him hours.

Also, in Mythology, our teacher, Mrs. Ludwig, was gone. We had a sub who was pretty chill, Mrs. Bennett I believe. Anyway, we were supposed to watch a youtube video about Thor, but the video was no longer available, so we went straight to the reading and I guess Mrs. Ludwig thought that the reading would take the rest of the period, but it didn't. SO! Mrs. Bennett actually put Netflix up and had us watch the Croods. I believe Thor the movie is on there, but I'm not going to argue with The Croods, that movie is way too cute.

In American Gov today we sat through two grueling hours of our mini-presidential debates. The topics were supposed to jump back and forth between class topics and national issues, but it just stayed at national issues, and Taylor wasn't able to talk very much because Carlos wouldn't let her. Yeah, how nice. Still going to vote for Taylor though.

Man, in Creative Writing, I just went to the library, talked to my mom, and then went home. I still need to write five more poems, but that class is pretty boring a little. The only reason I use it is to just go to the library, really.

Day 31

Today was such a long day. In Biology we watched continued our movie about the human body, both in its awesomeness and disturbing way. Then we worked on an enzyme project that we did in Sophomore year! I kinda wish that I kept some of that stuff now so I could use it for my college class, tee hee. Then, for Modern Lit, each group had to make a different powerpoint and ours was about the Regulation on Scientific Discovery and the Media. What sucked was most of my group didn't show up until the last minute. Powerpoint is due on Thursday, I just hope we get to finish in time.

Last, but not least, Choir was pretty good. We got our music down pretty good, we still don't have them all memorized, but we're going to have to. Also, Ms. Hazard showed us this presentation about Vocal Chords and what happens when you don't take care of them (basically you can't sing), which grossed everyone out. It would of grossed me out too, but I watched something similar in Biology yesterday!

Day 30

A month already! It's been way too long for school, I swear! Last night I spent the night at my friend Maggie's house and she was kind enough to bake some muffins and take me to school this morning. We started watching a movie in Biology about the Human body and how it works, we're continuing Norse mythology and sometime next week we're going to watch Lord of the Rings.

Modern Lit we're starting a new book, but we have to do research about organizations that withhold scientific discovery or anything to do with the media. American Gov we're still doing our presidential debates until we choose the President of our class - no doubt Taylor Valentine is going to win! Also, our Choir retreat is coming up this Friday, something I'm not sure about doing, but kind of excited about. And then Mr. Herring was back today (he has a baby boy!) and going to the library was pretty good.

So parent teacher conferences are coming up Thursday, which means I need to bring my grades up before then so that my teachers won't disappoint my parents, they already got a letter in the mail about how my GPA is going down. They don't get how straineous (?)  it is to take so many classes, especially those that aren't required for my transcript but required for our school to get state funding. If my father knew he would be so pissed off, he would go down and talk to the Principal himself and demand that something be changed. Yeah, that's probably one of the cool things about my dad. Shame I can't see him. Anyways, see ya!

Day 29

Go Wildcats!

Today was the Pep assembly, and the thing that I hated about it was the fact it was so short and that Drum Line didn't get to play. The Drum Line always gets to play, it's what gets us excited for the Homecoming game. Instead, Senoirs, Juniors, and Sophomores were separated while we got to get talked to about Class Rings and Graduation. Thing is, a lot of the stuff we had to do was very boring and a lot of the things and prices for Graduation are outrageous, especially since we have to have a down payment for Graduation next wednesday! Yeah, they're lucky I get paid on Wednesday!

After lunch, Cay and I decided to go home, and she was kind enough to drop me off at my house. So, I'm just waiting until I have to go to work tonight, which I happen to close!

3 Weeks of School until Fall Break!

7 Weeks of School until Thanksgiving Break!

15 Weeks of school until Christmas Break!

Day 28

So, since I just LOVE watching old movies, I decided to watch mine at the very last minute. In fact, so last minute that I got to school today and tried to watch it on Netflix! Of course, our school doesn't allow Netflix, which happens to really suck when I need to get a homework assignment finished. So, I was just busy trying to do nothing and act like it was something today!

Day 27

I am so exhausted! I swear, it's like I don't EVER get enough sleep (yes it's my fault, I know). Today we took a lot of notes in Mythology, especially since our new unit is Norse mythology ( Odin, Thor, Loki, Balder, Freya, Frey, Frigga, etc.) and it was all pretty interesting. Then we did our Presidential Candidates in American Government, which went pretty smoothly. According to my little test that I took, I'm more liberal than conservative, but I also am very close to the middle, still, I chose Taylor Valentine and Noah Turner.

This week Mr. Herring, my Creative Writing teacher, had a baby! So he's been over at the hospital with his wife with their baby, while the rest of us have a substitute. Yeah, today was just really really boring. I work tonight!

Day 26

I hate how I really want to sleep, but then I just go to bed at 11 in the evening and wake up at 6 for the bus. Yeah, kind of hate it. Lately I've been busy watching Game of Thrones and it's been taking up most of my time, especially with Danerys! Love House Targaryen!!!

Any way, I forgot that this week is actually Homecoming week. Yeah, I'm not too excited about it, and its not really something that I'm looking forward to. Today we took our exam for Biology, and we got our vocab for the next Unit, also we watched Tora! Tora! Tora! in Modern Lit today, an event in history that my teacher, Mrs. Johnson loves to talk about, especially since her family was in the war (who's wasn't?). Also, Choir. Lots and lots of singing. Yeah, that's about it.

Ta ta.

Day 25

I went up to Mr. Miller today and apologized for my cuts, and he told me not to apologize for it and that it meant a lot to him that I trusted him enough to come to him for help. See, I met Miller two years ago; he was my sophomore Biology teacher and I enjoyed his class so much, and we to be kind of friends, if teachers and students can be friends. Anyway, he's just been there for me a lot and we have good history, so for us to have more good history makes me feel positive. I know that if I had any problems that Miller would always have my back and help me in whatever way he could.

Thanks again, Miller.

Today, my friend and I finished our Owl Pellet lab for Biology and it ended up with me having VERY sticking fingers! Mythology was kind of a drag, but Modern Lit. is a breeze so far. Mrs. Johnson loves talking about WW2 so much that we're watching Tora! Tora! Tora! in class so that we can get a better understanding of WWII. American Gov is pretty good so far, I like all the notes we're taking in class, though that sounds nerdy/weird.

Now, on to Choir. Here's the thing; I'm starting to hate choir right now. The music is getting  to me, especially with how religious it is and christian and all. Like I said before, I'm PAGAN, so to have to sing Jesus makes me feel insulted. If you're Christian having to sing a religion song and having to say Allah, I bet you might dislike it if you don't like Muslims (not hating here!). Also, please remember how I talked to my Choir teacher about how uncomfortable I was about saying this and she told me to just try to think of my Gods while I sing the world "Jesus". I don't know about you, but that is just wrong, disturbing, and confusing. Seriously? Jesus isn't even a part of my faith and I told you about it, yet you're still telling me to just go on? I'm kind of fed up about it. Actually, I'm really fed up about it. I told my parents that if worse comes to worse I'm going to quit Choir, something that I NEVER wanted nor want to do. I don't know, that's just me.

Day 25

Wow, today's been a REALLY slow day. Yesterday was better, though. My best friend, Cay, and I went out and hung out for a bit. Yes, Old Chicago's and the Panaderia, and Ross! So much fun! Today there's not much that I've been doing. Yet another short and simple day.

Day 24

I really want to start doing this thing where I honor everyone who ever helps me, especially this year. Well, this award goes to my favorite science teacher Mr. Miller.

What happened that should allow him to have such an award?

Well, last night I wasn't feeling too great, as you may have noticed, so I made a mistake and I cut myself several times (I've been doing this for seven years now and have gone to many therapists mind you) and this morning I went up to Mr. Miller and told him that I had made a mistake last night and that I needed his help to at least hide it a little. He asked me what it was and I showed him my arm. Whenever I have shown people my scars I have seen them recoil in disgust or surprise, my father often looked at them in disappointment, my mother with fear, but Mr. Miller's look was a mix of shock and worry and something that I can't place but something that I needed very much. He was also kind enough to get some bandage wrap so that I could hide it and helped me to come up with the story that I gave blood (in a way).

Point being, I'm sure he was freaked out as hell and could have sent me to talk to the counselor so that I could get myself checked out for depression or for a therapist to mark me as some stupid symptom, but he chose to help me, and he gave me kind words when I needed it. So, thank you Mr. Miller for helping me with this one thing, because you have now and always will make a difference in my life.

Ta ta for now!

Day 23

Not today. Today I don't feel so good.

Day 22

Let me tell you, sleeping in is SO freaking nice, especially when your best friend is willing to pick you up since you need the sleep and you don't have a car/license yet. Also, Tiffany brought me lunch from Wendy's today, which I loved! So nice, it was. Also I got out of 8th hour earlier than usual so my mother could take me to Walmart and get new shoes for work, but then I didn't have to work until 8 so we went shopped around for Halloween stuff as we let the time slip away for a bit. Just to let you know, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Halloween, it's my holiday. I bought some Halloween shirts and decorations, also I'm thinking about being a Khaleesi for Halloween! Should be fun. Well, got to go to work so see ya!

Day 21

Yesterday was nice, especially since there wasn't any school! Finally, a month come and gone! Today my CMU Biology class toured the Colorado Mesa University campus, which was freaking amazing! Even though I happen to be very familiar with the campus, I still couldn't help but fall in love with it even more. Like, the swimming pool they have? They allow ANYONE to use it ANYTIME, they even tell everyone that too! The gym they have is pretty awesome too, and the campus is pretty big. They also have some pretty good choices for dorms, but I'll probably be staying with my parents for my Freshman year. Also, today was Write A Book In A Year club, something that Cay reminded me to go to. 

In Modern Lit. we just did a test over the book Hiroshima. We're supposed to watch the movie Tora, Tora, Tora now. Then in Choir started at 1:08 yet we didn't even start singing until 2:05. Most of the time was spent talking about the New York trip and the Choir Retreat that's coming up on the 19th. I wouldn't mind us talking about it, but since we have 5 pieces to learn, I would like to practice and practice until we are more than comfortable with them, especially since our concert is October 1st. 

Yeah, that was pretty much my day. Tiffany, my sister is spending the night tonight, so we'll see how well that goes. See ya!

Day 20

Today is not a good day for me. Today is my Uncle Terrence's birthday. He's not an asshole, so that's not why it's a bad day. Thing is he's been dead for almost twelve years now. in 2002, he committed suicide. The only uncle that I can remember and showed me love killed himself. And the sad part is I've been having bad thoughts recently, wanting to cut, wanting to die. Sorry I'm gonna cut this one short, but I just can't think about anything else right now. Sorry.

Day 19

I woke up late this morning to the sound of my mother coming into my bedroom and telling me that I had to get up right now or I would be walking to school. I don't understand why she had to act like such a bitch about that, especially since it wasn't my fault that my phone wasn't working and the alarm didn't go off. My little brother had another appointment today and the doc shows up at 9, which means I have to go to school by 8:30. So, if I were to walk to school, you know how long it would take me? An hour. No, I do not have a working bike, nor do I ride a skateboard, scooter, etc. I walk or driven to work, and it used to be the same for school last year. Last year, I got half day for second semester so that I could work late nights, and you know what my parents do? They made me walk to school every day. But, if I closed the night before, I got lucky, because that was when I got to sleep in and they took me to school, but my manager only let me close two nights, and working a four hour shift or not closing shift did not count and I would have to walk. Also, it was decided that I have to pay for my parent to take me to school and drive me to work. I don't mind paying my parents to drive me to school, but seriously, to work? It's only a little ways away, when I'm able to walk to work it takes 30 minutes, but driving only takes 5. Like I said, I don't mind paying for the ride to school, but then this is where my mother fucked up. Recently, my parents have been borrowing money from me and paying me back when my dad gets paid, because I get paid on a Wednesday and my dad on a Saturday, sometimes the Monday after, so I let them. My mom was $40 in debt to me, and I mentioned it to my dad who told my mom to talk to me about it. I paid $15 for gas, $16 for gas, and $10 for my school book. I told my mom and this is what she had to say about it: the $16 was by my choice, even though my mom told me to keep my cousin out of the house so they could go through her things to see if she had been stealing for us, the $15 she took so that I PAID her for the rides to school and work, and the $10 she's not even going to bother. What the the holy fuck. So now, I'm so being hesitant about letting my parents borrow my money, especially when they're only going to take and take and take and not pay back because they come up with some lame ass excuse to not do it. Yeah, it really pisses me off.

In other news, my thoughts never went away this morning, especially with how pissed off my mother was at me. So, I walk into Biology, feeling like shit, and the best thing happens: my teacher, Mr. Miller, takes notice and he helps me. At the end of class, he told me that, even though I'm having a bad day, to just remember how awesome I am. It really helped me a lot to keep at bay the urge to cut. Also, today should have been a Friday. With how the school schedule goes, I don't understand why they didn't just give us Fridays off instead of making our breaks two weeks longer.Any way, good night.

Day 18

Today was pretty slow. In Mythology, we presented our posters for our Egyptian Gods, and mine was Hathor. I was really nervous standing up in front of the class so I didn't get to say a lot that I wanted to say, but I did tell them that the reason that I chose Hathor was because she was a deity that I worshiped. I don't know how that went over with them, especially my friends who are Mormon and Christian. I guess if they weren't sure that I was Pagan then, they do now. Then the rest of the day was a drag.

I worked tonight, and it turned out to be a total and complete disaster. My manager was having a break down because of her boyfriend, so she went outside to talk to her friend about it, she also put two people are break, leaving three of us to work. Then it was time for one of us to clock off, so she gave me the drive-thru headset and left. So, I bet you can imagine how terrifying it was that only two people were inside working front, drive-thru and sandwiches. Yeah, and what made it worse was a crowd of people decided to come in to the front and the drive-thru register wasn't working for me. Finally, my manager came back in and decided to help us. And, on top of that, I've been having some really bad thoughts recently (if you've read my life blog, you might know that I cut and was suicidal for a period of my time). Life is just becoming so difficult for me right now.

Day 17

Okay, today happened to be a REALLY good day. In Biology, we did a lab studying Pond Scum. I swear to you, I have never been so excited as I was looking at pond scum. I think Biology is the only science class that I will ever truly enjoy. Anyway, my partner and I discovered that most organisms live at the bottom of a pond, because that is where algae dwells the most, making it a likely habitat for organisms. So much fun. So that was my only class for the morning, and my best friend, Cay, took me out to lunch and we decided to ditch the second half of the school day. The only reason we did is because we knew that we weren't going to be doing much in our last classes of the day. Besides, we had a great time. So, yeah, today was a pretty good and exciting day!

Then I had to go to my award ceremony for academic achievement, third year in a row. Sitting there, I realized something; for the past three years, I never had both of my parents show up for my academic ceremony, it's always only been one parent or the other. Sad, right? Well, I saw a lot of my friend's parents and they love me! And it was a lot of fun.

Day 16

This week has started out so SLOW and tiring. You know what, I really really wish that I had my car and license right now. Yes, it would be very helpful, especially for when I need to sleep in and my parents can stop complaining about having to take me to school. GAH!!!!

Anyway, I have just been so off today. Thankfully I don't have to work tonight. But I do need to catch the bus tomorrow so night!

Day 15

It is officially Friday! Yay, so happy, except for the fact that I had to work again tonight, but at least we got out kinda quick. Anyway, the guy that I mentioned in my last post, we used to be friends in elementary school, though I bet you he will totally deny it now, which is really sad. Anyway, I moved to Fruita, our friendship kinda ended, and then I saw him freshman year, said hi, and he totally ignored me. I have no idea what the hell is up that kid's ass, but it is so far up that it's made him a giant asshole. Then in Sophomore year he and I were in the same Honors class and I happened to state my opinion a lot in that class, especially to my friend Will. So, he emailed Will and told him that he should just tell me off and called me a Feminist bitch. Yep, that really let me know that he was a giant asshole. I don't know, it just might be because his family is rich as fuck and it's totally gotten to his brain. I kind of wish that he wasn't like what he is now, because I really valued our friendship, and I know our friend Landon did too.

Anyway, so I brought cookies in for my counselor and finally decided on taking Modern Lit, so I have to do my reading, and I also brought breakfast doughnuts for Biology, and everyone totally ate them, while I only got a couple, and that happened to consist of my breakfast. I kind of feel like today was an alright day, but I just didn't like it all that much...

Also, Ms. Hazard was talking to us some more about going to New York at the end of the year and the kind of fundraisers we could do. I just got to say, it's going to be crazy expensive, and that $1,300 I could be saving just to buy a decent car instead of going on a trip that will last a total of three days, going to places that I have already seen, and traveling to Denver/flying for two days. Maybe it will be worth it, I don't know, I just hope so.

Day 14

I just want to say that I am kind of liking the music that Miss Hazard picked out for Choir. There, I said it, and now the internet will know that I did, and Ms. Hazard if she ever sees this. Now, onto really cool stuff, in Biology we've been watching a movie about the Arctic and have been creating food chains, which is pretty cool. Today, we started the Serengeti bit of it, and then we'll be making a food web, which happens to be more complicated. Also, I don't know if I told you this, but there's this guy in my Biology class that I, well, kinda hate. I'll get more into later. See ya!

Day 13

So, I talked to my counselor about joining Modern Lit. and I did, got my new teacher's signature, but I have to turn the paper thingy in tomorrow. When I talked to Mrs. Johnson about it, she was a little irritated, but not really at me. She told me how there were already 31 students in her class, so I would make 32, which wasn't really fair to everyone about how crowded it was. So, talked to my mom when I got home and she said she'd talk to my counselor tomorrow about getting my 5th hour release back. I hope that it works out.

Also, I've been thinking about getting a new job. I don't want to leave everyone at work, but I need a better paying job, I just need a freaking car! Ugh, the life a teenager whose parents won't let her get her freaking license. Let me tell you, it's freaking annoying.

Well, have a good night!

Day 12

Ugh, my freaking counselor! I swear, she's really nice, but GAH!!! Okay, maybe it's not her, maybe I'm just pissed off at my school district. I swear! With this new schedule, there came new rules, and they are STUPID rules. I had a 5th hour release, but my counselor called me down after school today and said I had to give up one of my release hours, because I was only allowed two. TWO! How freaking ridiculous! Does she not know that I need to have a release to do homework? I mean, I DO use my first and second block for homework too, but there are days when I am able to sleep in, but that doesn't give me enough time to do my homework, and I do my homework after school, but there are times I am required to work 4-12pm shift, so I have no room to get homework done.

So, they made me a counselor aid, and, as much I like some of the people there, I did not want to do that, so I talked to my best friend Cay about it and she told me that I could try to join her 5th Hour modern lit. class, so I'll go talk to my counselor about that tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Day 11

Today was a good day. School seemed to pass by pretty quickly, and work turned out to be pretty good. Today, in Bio, we were watching a movie about the arctic and took notes on which animal was a producer or consumer, and we started making a food chain, which happens to be pretty easy to make. Basically, I'm repeating Sophomore year, which makes me a little happy.

So, I turned in my Hero's Journey short story, and I didn't get any feedback from my teacher yet. I hope she liked it, I wrote that in a day. A DAY! She should be amazed at least a little, not asking for any special credit, just amazement. Also, I had a good lunch. Decided to go out with my friends to Pizza Hut just down the way, which turned out to be a VERY good choice. Don't tell my mom that I kinda ditched American Gov, she'd throw a fit about how I'm not supposed to miss a day of school. But, this is my Senior year, I'm aloud some leniency right? I mean, it's not like I'm going to skip school just to drive to Las Vegas, I'm just going to skip a class where I had a sub that didn't require me to do anything. Do you see where I'm getting at?

Choir we got a new song, a song that I cannot quite remember, but it's so upbeat and fun, a very big contrast to Prayer of the Children. It's nice that we've got like really new music, just freshly bought, but the Choral department does not have enough money, and we've bought four new dresses (just in my class) for concert dress, which is really wasting money. I think that if we keep this up, we won't be going to New York at the end of the year, which is something I would very much like to do.

Also, work ended pretty good for me tonight. My friend, Kento was able to take me home, and we had a good talk. Well, it wasn't really a talk, but we did talk, just small talk. It was something that I really needed tonight. I'm really glad that I have such a great friend like Kento, because I know that, if he can, he can help me. I wouldn't think about us being a relationship, no matter how good looking he is, but I see him a friend, and that's something that I really need in my life right now. Don't worry, I'll spare you the gory details of my nonexistent love life.

But that was my day. Good night!

Hero's Journey Short Story

So, here it is everyone! I hope you enjoy, please give me feedback.

The Journey of the Dragon

By Trina Roller

In the small village of Sesinai, there lived a shepherd and his wife. In their years together, they had been prosperous and happy, taking only what they needed and saving the rest. There came a time when the wife looked down at her empty belly and said to her husband “Husband, several years have passed us by, and several more will pass again before our deaths. I pray, let us have a child.”

            The husband looked to his wife and smiled dearly at her. “If that is what you wish.”

            For several months, the husband and wife searched the kingdoms high and low, looking for a child that they could make their very own. The wife traveled to the east to the lands of the desert and the husband west to the land of the swamps, then they both traveled to the plains, searching for their very own child.

            At last, their journey had been in vain, so they returned to their patch of land with their sheep. In anguish, the shepherd’s wife took to keeping herself busy from dusk to dawn, sleeping only when exhaustion haunted her. The shepherd did not fare well either. He too locked himself away, dreaming of a child of his own.

            It was midday when the shepherd took his sheep down towards the river than ran at the edge of his land. As the sheep tended to themselves, the shepherd sat near the river and continued to lick the wounds of his broken heart.

            Suddenly, a cry came from the reeds nearby. The shepherd quickly stood to his feet, but the cry quickly ended as he did. Thinking nothing of it, he sat back down and looked at the river again. Then, a cry came again! The shepherd stood and made his way to the reeds, pushing them so as to find what made such a horrible cry.

            With water up to his knees, the shepherd continued to find where the cry had come from and was rewarded with the sight of a dark, bamboo casket floating upon the water. As carefully as he could, the shepherd removed the lid of the casket and found a woman laying inside, holding a bundle of the strangest cloth he had ever seen close to her chest, a bundle that was kicking and screaming. The shepherd moved a piece of the scale-looking cloth and saw a baby with bright violet eyes looking at him, its screaming ending.

            “A gift of the gods,” The shepherd said, picking the baby up and holding it near his chest. “My wife must know about this.” As fast as he could, the shepherd ran back to his house, leaving the casket and the sheep behind, not giving a worried thought to them.

            When the shepherd had reached his home, he found his wife outside, beating the dirt out of several rugs. Excited, the shepherd ran towards her, calling out to her. When he finally reached his wife, the shepherd had lost his breath. His wife looked at him curiously and asked, “Husband, what has happened to you? Did you lose our sheep? Did you run from bandits? Has the Emperor come?”

            The husband just smiled and shook his head at his wife. “No, dear wife. We have lost no sheep, nor have bandits come to raid our shack, but I have found something far greater than that of a visit from the Emperor.” As gently as he could, the shepherd removed a piece of the cloth from his bundle and showed his wife the face of a baby girl with violet eyes, raven hair, and milk white skin.

            The wife cried out in happiness and hugged her husband, laughing in astonishment and joy. “My husband, where did you find this child?”

            “Out near the river, in the reeds, there hid a casket with the sound of a howling cry coming from within. I reached out to it and discovered a babe that hid inside with its mother, who showed no sign of life. My dear, I believe this to be a gift of the gods. They have answered our prayers for a child!”

            “Come, show me this casket.” The wife said. The shepherd led his wife to the part of the river that he had left their sheep and showed her the reeds. Giving her the baby, the shepherd went to the reeds to pull out the casket, but when he got to it, the casket lay empty with nothing but a mat and cloths of extravagant colors and quality. When the shepherd told the wife his news, the wife looked down at the child and smiled.

            “Then we shall raise her on our own. And we shall call her Kaida, our little dragon.”

            Several years passed for the shepherd and his wife. They cared for Kaida as if she were their very own child, watching her grow into a beautiful and intelligent young woman. To give her a better education, the shepherd moved his family back into the village, giving his young daughter as much as he could.

            When they had arrived in the village, Kaida had passed her seventeenth name day, and when the villagers saw her, they knew she was special, just by the color of her eyes. Often, they called her dragon’s daughter, and she held that title with pride and confidence.

            It was a fresh spring day when Kaida was sitting next to a Koi pond, dancing her fingers upon the water’s surface, when her father came to her, his wife holding his arm and crying. Kaida called to her father, asking what was wrong. The shepherd shook his head.

            “Kaida, my dear, we have never lied to you about where you were from, but your mother and I believe that it is time for you to discover that for yourself.” Then, he took a piece of cloth from his sleeve, a cloth that was detailed in extravagant colors and had shape edges, as if it were made of the softest scales. The shepherd flipped the cloth over and inside, written in gold, was a crest of a dragon and a phoenix. Kaida had never seen a crest such as this in her life.

            “But I do not wish for this to be so. I want to stay, here, with you and mother. Please, do not make me go.”

            “Kaida,” Her mother said, taking her hand and holding it close. “We will never abandon you nor make you leave, but use this time to discover yourself and who you truly are. Then, we will see you again.” The shepherd’s wife smiled softly at her daughter, giving her the encouragement that was needed. The next day, packed with a supply of rations, Kaida waved goodbye to her family and the villagers, and left.

            Kaida traveled on the main road for several days, passing other travelers and stopping in villages for rest. To whomever she could, she asked about the strange crest, receiving answers that it was unknown to them or such a noble crest never existed. With every answer, her heart saddened more, but she continued on, for her parents.

            Finally, after being away from home for several months, Kaida came upon a city that was vast and glorious in size and color. A great river ran all around the city and traveled within, as if the city was built on water. She walked several roads until she came upon a great palace designed to stand tall and show elegance. In awe, Kaida stood there, gaping at how beautiful of a structure it was, until a guard came to her.

            “What is your business with the Emperor?” He asked her, his voice gruff and heavy.

            “Can the Emperor help me? I am looking for the meaning of something.”

            “You are in luck, girl. The Emperor is wise and knows all. Many come to him to ask their questions about life and death and spirit. I shall take you to him.”

            Kaida followed close behind the Imperial guard, clutching her cloth close to her heart. The walk into the palace was attractive and extravagant, but it wasn’t long until the guard had led Kaida into what looked to be the throne room. There, atop a throne that looked to be a chair that a stone white dragon with violet eyes curled around it, was who seemed to be the Emperor. The man was old, his hair long and like a white river with a golden crown that was pinned at the top. With gentle eyes, the Emperor looked down at Kaida, curious to what her question was.

            “My lord, Emperor, I come to you with a question in dire need of an answer.”

“Please, ask me it, and I shall help you to the best of my ability.”

            Kaida reached into her dress pocket and carefully handed the bundle of strange cloth to the Emperor. Curiously, he gazed at the cloth, turning it over with an inspecting eye.

            “This cloth, I have never seen before. What beautiful quality, such soft texture. Where did you happen upon this, my dear?”

            “My father told me that he had found me wrapped in it floating along a river bank.”

            “Do tell me more.” The Emperor said. So it was that Kaida told the story of how she was found that her father and mother had often told her as far back as she could remember.  When she had finished, the wise Emperor regarded her with amazement.

            “This sigil on the inside of the cloth, it is ancient and not very well known. When I was a young boy, I had seen it in several books that I read when I should have learned my studies. This follows the story of a young warrior who went through many trials in order to save a princess that was stolen by a horrible dragon.”

            “And what of this story that is deemed so important?” Kaida asked. The Emperor smiled gently at her.

            “Not all children’s stories share the truth. Understand, the only one who can tell you the truth of this sigil is the one that the warrior went to as well; his name is Kuza. But, in order to meet Kuza, you must complete a set of tasks to prove that you are worthy.

            “First, you must go to the south and discover a fire that can burn in water. Second, you must travel north to the Fountain of Life and bring him a vial filled with its soil from the bottom of the well. Lastly, you will go west, reach the pond of the Moon Mother, and you must take a piece of the moon when you leave. You will then travel east to the Dragon Temple, climb its steps, and give the offerings to Kuza. It is then that he will present himself to you, answering the one question that you want answered the most.

            “My dear, do you accept this quest?” Kaida nodded. The Emperor was happy to hear of it and gave her a map of where she would find the offerings, giving her the best routes and coin. “Make sure to come back and tell me of your journey, and I shall put it in the royal archives.” He told her as she began her decent of the palace stairs. Kaida promised that she would and quickly left with newfound hope.

            Following the Emperor’s map, Kaida decided to go south to find a fire that could burn even in water. As she descended from her homeland, she found herself in a strange land where men and women wore long pieces of cloth that wrapped around their bodies and was only held by pins on their shoulders, and had hair that curled instead of straightened. Often she went up to these strange people and asked them about the fire she was told to find, but many of them laughed and sent her away. It was not until she had reached the edge of the sea that she came upon a man who sat on the shoreline.

            His hair was extremely black, a color that Kaida had not seen in the southern land, and his eyes were a bright violet. She thought it very peculiar, but quickly dismissed it. As she began walking up to the man, he noticed her distress.

            “Whatever is the matter, young one?”

            “I have been sent to the farthest reaches of the south to look for a fire that can burn even in water. I had never heard of such a thing and many of the people I have encountered have said the same thing. Would you have heard of this before?” The man smiled at Kaida with a knowing look in his eye.

            “Yes, I have heard of such a thing, but you must answer me this first; what runs and has no feet, roars but has no mouth?”

            Kaida smiled. She began to remember how her father had told her of such a riddle, and after she had guessed many times and was incorrect, her father smiled at her, telling her the answer.

            “The sea.” She said. The man smiled at her, his eyes shining once again. Reaching into his cloth, he pulled out a large bottle with no opening. Inside it, though, glowed the most beautiful green light Kaida had ever seen. She knew it was fire that could burn underwater.

            “Please, take this. With this fire, it can never be put out, but it can bring unimaginable destruction if you so wished it. Be wise not to open it.” Kaida gave her promise, and, after thanking the man many times, she went north, so that she may find the other offerings.

            Returning to her homeland, Kaida traveled further north, climbing up several mountains and passing many monks who searched for enlightenment. She knew her journey had ended for a moment when she saw an extravagant shrine of earthy hues that covered what looked to be a well. She knew that this was the Fountain of Life. Looking down into the well, she saw that the well itself was indeed very deep and it seemed almost impossible to reach the bottom of it. Silently, she sat against the well and felt herself despair, losing all hope.

            After several moments of silence, Kaida heard the sound of a frog. She looked over and saw that there was indeed a frog that sat beside her, a frog with patchy, green skin and violet eyes. It appeared to Kaida that it looked at her with sadness and worry.

            “Young one,” the frog said its voice scratchy and chilling, “What downs you so?”

            “I have come here so collect soil from the bottom of this well, but as I gazed into it, I saw that it was far too deep for me to reach the bottom. Now I am despaired.” The frog listened in silence until Kaida had finished.

            “I could collect the soil from the bottom of the well for you. When I have given the earth to you, you must promise me that you will take me to the bottom of this mountain, for I wish to leave this place.” Kaida had given the frog her word, smiling at last. After giving the frog her vial, she watched and waited patiently as the frog did his part. Not a moment later, the frog jumped out from the well and gave her the vial; inside it was filled with a dark goo that seemed to be earth.

            “Thank you, good friend. Now, let us leave this place so that we may both get on with our lives.” And so it was that Kaida carried the frog down the mountain in her pack, confidence filled her even though she had felt empty before. When she reached the bottom of the mountain, Kaida carefully placed the frog next to a pond, wished him a good journey, and continued on her way.

            After traveling west for many days, Kaida came upon a noble home to where she asked that she may rest. The noble of the house gladly took her in, and gave her a very nice room. As Kaida slept that night, she dreamt of what she knew to be the Moon Mother’s pond. There she discovered Koi swimming in unison together, creating the perfect circle. One was the color of night with a spot of white on its head, and the other the color of the moon with a spot of black on its head, yet both carried violet eyes.

            “What beautiful fish,” Her dream-self said. Gently, she touched the surface of the pond, gaining the attention of the Koi.

            “What it is that you seek, young one?” The Koi asked in unison, speaking as one voice, yet both were different.

            “I have come to find a piece of the moon so that I may take it to the one named Kuza so that he may answer my question.” The Koi nodded together.

            “We have heard of such a being. Please, take this.” The Koi sunk down below for a moment and quickly returned, holding a pearl. Kaida took the pearl and placed it on her palm, amazed at how beautiful it was.

            “Tell me, how is this a piece of the moon?”

            “The moon is mother to all, and when she created the clam, she told it that she would create it in her own image. Thus it creates a pearl so perfect that it has become a piece of the moon herself.” The Koi fish explained. With this newfound knowledge, Kaida thanked the Koi, asking what she could give in return.

            “Do nothing, only thank the moon every night, and know the truth of beauty and strength.” And with that, Kaida opened her eyes. When she sat up, she discovered the noble’s house was gone, and she was all alone near a cluster of wood. After placing the pearl carefully in her pack, she began her long journey east, towards the Dragon Temple.

            It was night when Kaida had reached the Dragon Temple. She looked upon it and gasped at how high the temple had been built, at how many steps that were embedded into stone. Before she could change her mind, she began her ascent.

            By the time she had reached the top, the full moon was high in the night sky, and Kaida had lost her breath. Before she went into the temple, she looked up at the moon, remembering the Koi’s words, and gently said, “Moon, mother of all, I give my thanks to you.” Then she entered the temple, finding the jade table that the Emperor had told her to place the offerings on.

            After waiting a moment, Kaida felt a shift in the wind. She turned around and gazed in surprise as she was face to face with what was a dragon. Like the Emperor’s throne, this dragon was white with violet eyes, its body moved like a flowing current, and seemed looked into Kaida’s soul.

            “Welcome to my abode, child.” The dragon said, it’s voice familiar, but she could not place where she had heard it. “What is it that you seek?”

            Before answering, Kaida took a deep breath and said, “I wish to know who I am.” If a dragon could smile, Kaida swore that this one did.

            “You, young one, are special; you are one and you are all. You traveled this world on the tops of clouds and swam in its seas. You belong to the earth, but you are the daughter of fire. You, child, are a dragon.”

            A dragon? Kaida thought. How was that possible?

            “But what of this sigil?” She asked, holding the cloth up to the dragon.

            “It is the mark of a dragon reborn. You remain a dragon on the inside, but you travel the world in a new vessel and discover its feelings and emotions.”

            “But that woman in the casket with me…”

            “She was a Guardian. She traveled with you and protected you until you were where you were meant to be. You are special, child. You are free.”

            Kaida took those words in and slowly smiled. That was why the cloth seemed to be made of scale, that was what the dragon and the phoenix meant; she finally understood.

            “What do I do now?” She asked the dragon.

            “Go home, live your life, do things for others, take risks, because you may never know if you will ever live a life such as this again.”

            Kaida thanked the dragon, quickly wrapping her arms around its neck. The dragon did nothing, but let her do what it was that was needed. Saying a quick goodbye, Kaida ran down the stone steps and raced back to her family with a speed she never knew she had.

            Before Kaida returned to her village, she made true on a promise she had made from what it seemed to be a lifetime ago. She traveled to the palace of the Emperor and when she saw him, she told him her story. He watched her with curiosity, and, like a child, gasped at her trials. The Emperor thanked Kaida for such a wonderful story and promised her that she was always welcome in his Imperial palace.

            When Kaida had returned to her little village, the sun was high and the day was busy. Farmers were selling their food, merchants selling their wares; it was as if Kaida had never left. When she reached her home, she hesitated from knocking. It had been far too long since she had seen her father and mother; what would she tell them about her journey? Before she could decide, the sliding door opened and there stood her father. She watched as his eyes widened in surprise, but he quickly pulled her towards him and held her to his chest in a loving hug.

            “My sweet daughter, it has been too long. I hope your journey was successful.” The shepherd told Kaida, kissing the top of her head. Kaida smiled to herself at his affection, something she had missed dearly and had not changed in him. A moment passed and her father let her go, looking at how changed she truly was.

            “Come inside, tell your mother and I all about it.” He said, closing the door behind the both of them, grateful to the moon that his daughter had returned to him.